Will I Trust Again?

Will I Trust Again?

by Naomi, UK

Meeting Josh...

On the whole, women have it tough; along with all the other gruelling ‘inconveniences’ such as child birth and menstruation every month for 40 years of our lives…we have men.

We know how difficult men can be, from leaving the toilet seat up to …(no this isn’t a feminist rant!), but, have just gone through a big break up with my boyfriend of 5 years.

Overall Josh was a great boyfriend, we met at college back in 02, I liked him for ages and used to make up the most ridiculous excuses to spend time with him, from not understanding the simplest bit of information to get my hair stuck in the locker next to his (accidentally on purpose).

We finally got together after about 7 months of my crazy behaviour, when, of course, we got drunk at a mutual friend’s party and it turned out he quite liked me too, not sure how keen he would’ve been without the beers and tequila’s but I wasn’t moaning.

I Suspected Something...

So, pretty average really, boy meets girl, girl likes boy, yadda yadda yadda. The trouble started 3 months ago. Josh had been acting strange for the past year, he stopped complimenting me like he used to, he was less affectionate and we weren’t sleeping together as much as we used to as he was always too tired from his new job. Most of my friends told me that this was normal, that after being in a relationship for a few years, guys get complacent, and to be fair I thought it was normal for guys to be like that too, I just never expected it from super caring, affectionate, thoughtful Josh.

Getting Checked...

Last month, Josh started complaining of pains in his penis, he was so quick to accuse me. Saying that I must’ve given him something nasty and there must be something wrong with me. I felt sick, mainly because I thought I had something awful and had no idea what it was or how I got it, I just immediately assumed that there was something wrong with me.

The thought of going to my doctor was really scary, and embarrassing, I’d never had anything wrong before, so I’d never had to be checked before. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought it was going to be, my doctor was so lovely about it all, and I never felt in the dark about what she was going to do, she told me everything as she was going and explained to me the process.

The Reality...

A week later, I got my results back; negative. Which to me meant only one thing, the one thing I actually hadn’t even thought of. Josh must’ve slept with someone else. He was so quick to blame me for giving him an infection, if we hadn’t been careful and used a condom, I dread to think what he could’ve given me.

In less than an hour my 5 year relationship had crumbled. Even after admitting to cheating with another woman, he still tried to blame me in some way! Josh and I over, it has taken getting used to and I still find it hard without him sometimes, even though I know I’m better off! But on the whole I am happy, I am healthy and most importantly, I’m always always careful!