I cheated on my girlfriend – help!

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 11th, 2010

The below is a guest blog post from one of our readers. Please share your advice with him by leaving a comment below.

I am writing this blog anonymously, as I really don’t know how to get out of this hole I have dug myself into.

I am a fairly regular reader of this site, I have read articles on the importance of condom use in the fight against HIV, and never really thought it applied to me because for the last year and a half I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend.

man worried

**photo posed by a model**

I’m 19 years old and don’t usually consider myself reckless, however about a week ago I had a one night stand with a random girl after meeting her out on a night with my boys. I’ve never cheated before – never even considered it, but this girl put it on a plate for me… ok not literally on a plate, but I didn’t have to work for it at all — and towards the end of the night she was all over me. My mates didn’t try and stop me, even though they know how much I love my girlfriend – which I’m not very pleased about.

It was pretty clear what was going to happen when the lights came on in the club and we shared a taxi back to hers. I don’t know why there was no resistance on my part, but there wasn’t, and as soon as we got back to her place, we were going at it. It didn’t take long before we got down to business, she asked if I had any condoms but I don’t even use condoms on my girlfriend so I never have a use for them – I would have felt a bit stupid stopping there, and to be honest after eight beers I was in no position to act responsibly anyway.

The gutting thing is I don’t even remember much after that, I don’t even think I even finished, and the next thing I remember is waking up to this stranger who I assumed was my girlfriend! That is when it hit me the hardest – along with the hangover I felt a mad sensation of guilt come across me. The girl was pretty casual about it all in the morning and before I could even make my excuses she was hinting at me to leave, which left me wondering if this was normal for her and added to my paranoia and guilt over the past week.

The guys I was out with all think it’s really funny, and have given me the nickname,  “The dark horse” and I can’t really blame them because I would probably be doing the same thing if it was one of them, but I’m having difficulty laughing this off.

I have been avoiding sleeping with my girlfriend since and I know if I don’t soon she will start suspecting something is wrong but I haven’t been tested yet and I would never forgive myself if I gave her something. I don’t know whether to tell her about it straight up and basically kiss the relationship goodbye or to keep it to myself. I don’t know whether I could deal with the guilt in keeping it from her and to be honest I don’t trust my mates to keep it quiet either.

What should I do? I don’t want to lose my girlfriend over this, yet if I don’t tell her I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

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Go Gaga for AIDS Awareness

Posted by Carina Kolodny on March 10th, 2010

There are a lot of adjectives you can use to describe Lady Gaga. But I bet if you were to make a list of them that “activist” wouldn’t be on it; but that is, perhaps, one of the best ways to describe her. Having actively proven herself as an advocate for LGBT (aka Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) rights, she is adding HIV education to her extensive charity repertoire. However HIV education is quite a broad and extensive cause so Gaga has zoned in on what’s dear to her heart: educating women and encouraging frequent HIV testing. She has teamed up with M.A.C cosmetics to raise much needed funds. What are they selling? Why lipstick of course!

lady gaga and cyndi lauper

Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga / photo c/o MAC AIDS Fund

What does Gaga want women to know about HIV? “This is not a gay disease, this is a disease plaguing women. And I just want to clarify that. Because I think that’s the very sort of pre-assumption, that women aren’t getting tested and allowing negotiations to go on in the bedroom and are not putting their foot down.”

As an avid fan of popping pink lips, I plan to buy a lipstick (or five.) Put it on before a date or a night on the town, should you end up in somebody’s bed, it won’t be hard to protect yourself. The reminder will be on your luscious lips!

Check it out here!

This post is by our resident blogger Carina Kolodny

Carina Kolodny is a writer and expert coffee shop loiterer based out of NYC. When not writing (or loitering) she can usually be found traveling the world or jumping out of airplanes. She became interested in HIV education while working with the Red Cross in Fiji. This was an enriching though terrifying experience as she hates snakes almost as much as she hates grammar. She counts Fiji, Cuba and Tanzania as second homes and strongly believes in the power of self love and red lipstick.

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Women PSAs

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on March 8th, 2010

To celebrate International Women’s Day, we decided to look back through the Staying Alive archives and pull out a few of our favourite women-focused PSAs.  Please take a look and let us know what you think. We’ll be adding more throughout the day, so be sure to keep an eye out.

Can We Replace Women?

http://www.vimeo.com/10002320

Hands

http://www.vimeo.com/10002276
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International Women’s Day

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on March 8th, 2010

Today, March 8th, marks International Women’s Day, a day that has been celebrated since the early 1900s.

The day’s aim is to raise awareness of women’s vital role in society as well as applaud every woman’s achievement, however big or small.

women large

In recent years we’ve seen major steps taken towards achieving an equal society. Women everywhere are stepping up – just look around you – we have female politicians, doctors and even astronauts. However, unfortunately, there is still a big gap between men and women, with countless examples of inequality visible in everyday life. Healthcare and education are two major issues, as is violence – with women far more likely to experience abuse than men.

Here at Staying Alive we’re focused on promoting women’s rights in the fight against HIV. We want every woman to feel empowered. Physically and socially women are more vulnerable to HIV, it’s why we want each and every woman to be able to make her own choices when it comes to her sex life. Every woman should feel at ease saying no to sex – or asking a man to use a condom. Yes, it’s true we’ve come a long way – but there’s a lot more work to do. We all have a part to play.

To celebrate International Women’s Day, we’re asking you to send us a couple of sentences on the women you find inspiring in your life – it could be anyone, from your mother to your best friend, to a notable personality in the media.

Let us know about the special women in your life by leaving a comment below.

Happy International Women’s Day – let’s keep up the good fight.

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Busting Condom Myths

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 4th, 2010

February was National Condom Month, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t emphasize the importance of condoms all day, everyday. In honor of the month gone by I figured I would put together a list of condom myths to bust.

1. It doesn’t fit: He could either claim the condom’s to big :( , or its too small.  For the former there are specially sized condoms so they don’t slip off. For the one’s that say it won’t fit, you can demonstrate to them by getting a large size condom, and making him stick his fist in it…myth dispelled.

2. It doesn’t feel as good: A. Get some ribbed ones for the girls. B. Guys, condoms now come with ultra-thin latex for a reason…get some!

condom

3. I’ll pull out: Ok, if anyone ever suggests this option…they’re too dumb to sleep with…no seriously. Fluids escape during sex, even pre-ejaculation. You must be trying to get pregnant, or STDs with this method.

4. Double-bagging (wearing two condoms): This will only increase friction, and cause the condom to break. One is enough as long as you put it on properly.

5. Religion stops me from using a condom: Your religion is probably also against hurting others by spreading disease. Your religion
should also probably stop you from having pre-marital sex… heard of abstinence? I’m just saying.

6. Condoms are expensive: I can name a few more things that are more expensive, like child support, doctor’s visits, and AIDS/STD meds. Smarten up!

7. It’s a mood killer: My mom always said practice makes perfect. Practice enough, and you can get condom application down to 15
seconds. If the mood is gone after that period of time, it’s the universe’s way of telling you: it wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.

8. Guys are responsible for bringing the condoms: Ladies, ladies, please, what year are we living in? Not only should you come with
protection, but be prepared to put it on as well. Don’t put your life in the hands of someone else.

9. Suggesting condoms is offensive: Not as offensive as giving someone an STI.

10. Latex allergies: Now this is very possible, but thankfully condom manufacturers are mindful of this. Select a brand made from
polyurethane, and stop trying to find ways around using proper protection.

Let’s make every month National Condom Month, by wrapping it up everytime, unless you’re trying to go half on a baby, or share in your
partner’s possible STIs.

This is a guest post by Nosarieme Garrick

A product of around the globe, but loudly repping Nigeria, Nosarieme Garrick is a writer, and entrepreneur seeking to do her part in bringing some peace to this crazy world.

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Always Prepared

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 23rd, 2010

My boyfriend recently made a comment that he couldn’t remember the last time he had bought rubbers because I always seemed to have them with me.

Although am a pretty modern ‘gal’ and I know he wasn’t being judgmental, I got a little insecure and decided to put the question of morality in such a situation to  my ever trusted and very opinionated friends.

Is it okay for a girl to have a pack – or more – of rubbers on her?

woman holding condom

Stan, the self proclaimed playboy immediately asked if I have ‘glow in the dark ones’. “Its fun, he says, throw one on and switch off all the lights. Those things are the best inventions since sex.” To him it doesn’t really matter if I have condoms on me. But if it was a girl he doesn’t know, he would probably think she was a freak and hit on her immediately.

“I mean why would a girl carry rubbers around?” he adds.

My best friend Phillip thinks that I should be commended for taking control of my life. “I wish my girlfriend could take up such an initiative,” he says, “its nice to know I don’t have the burden of two lives on my conscious every now and then, and I would also know she enjoys the sex enough to wanna have backup rubbers incase we run out,” he jokes.

Surprisingly, Chansa my girlfriend thinks it’s sluttish for girls to carry condoms. As she sees it, we are African women who should not make it obvious that we are having, let alone enjoying sex.

Personally I think tradition and culture is good for us and should not be shunned. However we are facing new opponents, among them HIV/AIDS. Some traditions have to be modified or discarded all together if we wanna win this war.

Obviously I am not going to advertise to the whole world that I have a pack of condoms in my purse whenever I go out, but I will not take the risk of being in a position where a guy has the chance to say we don’t have rubbers so lets do it without them.

So, I personally think it’s fine for a girl to carry packs of condoms, in fact so do many of my guy friends, where as some of my girlfriends are a bit more uptight. What do you think? Let me know by leaving a comment below.

This is a guest blog post by Jayne Mazimba, a member of the Ignite Zambia street team.

Boredom and complacency are Jayne’s biggest enemies, so she tries like crazy to make everything she does enjoyable in one way or another. Jayne loves to look good, loves to have fun and loves to be the centre of attention. And her motto is “What’s the point of doing anything if you can’t enjoy and have fun with it?”.

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Spread Awareness Not Disease

Posted by katemorris on February 22nd, 2010

Last Sunday the Italian restaurants were packed with happy couples sharing Cabernet and Lady and the Tramp-sensible bowls of spaghetti.  The stationary stores, bake shops, and florists were bled dry of anything chocolate, red or sentimental.  And, yes, most of you with a special someone had an intimate end to your evenings out.

So you probably weren’t thinking about curbing the spread of HIV/AIDS while you and your soul mate ate chocolate covered strawberries in a hot tub, but it’s not quite as outlandish as you might think.  Two Asian countries did V-Day a bit differently this year.  The Philippines and India used the planet’s Day of Love as an opportunity to get the word out about HIV/AIDS prevention.  Manila’s wholesale flower market handed out government-supplied condoms to each lovesick bouquet buyer.  Despite objections from the country’s religious leaders, the Philippines opted for action.  The bishops of the Southeast Asian archipelago argued –as many abstinence only programs do— that providing protection simply encourages young couples to be promiscuous, thus only increasing HIV/AIDS cases.

love

But it didn’t stop there!  In Chennai, India single and spoken for citizens of the Southeastern city gathered in the central square to witness a peaceful demonstration of HIV-positive couples.  The straightforward display intended to show the world that life does not change after infection, that those living “positive” still maintain meaningful relationships. The demonstrators expressed a hope that their courage would make it easier for others to speak openly about being AIDS affected.

I was fascinated by these proactive approaches to the ever-romantic holiday. But are we getting too serious? While the love you take was equal to the love you made in the sixties, maybe our generation ought to start rewriting love.

What do you think, readers?  Should millennium love come with responsibility, or should we just keep on with the full body massages and pillow talk?

This is a guest blog post by Kate O’Connor Morris

Kate O’Connor Morris is a writer, editor, and expert cheese-eater working out of her hometown Brooklyn.  Aside from her time taken up by cheese endeavors, Kate enjoys wandering the streets of New York with a beat-up notebook.  Kate became invested in HIV prevention while working at Brooklyn’s Legal Aid Society.  Her great influences are Meat Cat, Bernie the harbor seal, and boarding trains headed in the complete wrong direction.

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The Vagina Warriors

Posted by Carina Kolodny on February 5th, 2010

When I told my friend Sam that I was a “vagina warrior,” he couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“A vagina warrior?” He questioned, “What does that even mean?”
A fair enough response to such a statement… similar to mine when I first heard the term. “Vagina warrior” conjured up images of a jousting labia and an armored clitoris fighting other labias and clitorises for world vaginal domination… or something like that.
In reality, the term is far less comical and far more important.

Vagina Warrior: a vagina friendly person of any gender identification who embodies the spirit of equality and empowerment, and assists in the battle to end violence against women.

Sufficed to say, Sam was thrilled that despite his penis, he could join the Vagina Warrior team!

vagina warriors

The term was coined by Eve Ensler, activist and author of the critically acclaimed Vagina Monologues. Ensler also created V-Day, her own “holiday” of sorts that corresponds with Valentine’s Day and raises awareness about violence against women and girls. On V-Day, Vagina Monologues is performed in thousands of locations worldwide.

But, as vday.org will tell you, “Performance is just the beginning. V-Day stages large-scale benefits and produces innovative gatherings, films and campaigns to educate and change social attitudes towards violence against women.”

The money raised is distributed to thousands of different organizations but every year the V-Day team choose one particular initiative to spotlight. This year, they’re hoping to empower women and girls of the Democratic Republic of Congo. They rage with a raw yet truthful statement, “STOP RAPING OUR GREATEST RESOURCE.”

Certainly this type of brutality and dehumanization isn’t a fun or popular topic, but it is an important and all too pressing one.

Violence against women (and women not feeling empowered in general) is arguably one of the largest contributors to the spread of HIV/AIDS. Sometimes it’s as complicated as rape and sometimes it’s as simple as a consenting young woman lacking the confidence to say, “put on a condom.”

And yet in these sad circumstances, there is reason to hope. If violence against women, inequality, injustice and dis-empowerment are central causes to HIV/AIDS then it would stand that peace, equality, justice and empowerment for women have the potential to be an arsenal in the battle against HIV and AIDS.

Turning the tide for women won’t be easy and, as strange as it sounds, it certainly isn’t something that women can accomplish by themselves. We need to call upon all the penis-clad warriors to rise with us. Yes we need to educate our daughters, sisters, mothers, friends but we also need to educate our sons, brothers and fathers. (And of course those who don’t associate with just one gender as well.)

But, as my teacher (and vagina warrior on her own accord) Mrs. Mary Morris likes to remind me, “it’s all about setting manageable goals.” So perhaps we can’t change attitudes over night but we certainly can have a starting point.

So I’m going to use V-Day as a launching pad and issue a challenge to anybody who is willing to take it up.

Define “vagina warrior” on your own terms, what it means to YOU and how you can implement these principles into your life. That can mean removing certain derogatory words for women from your vocabulary, mentoring young people or having a heart-to-heart with someone you love.

I’ve sought out some incredible young people to give you their definitions. Use them as a starting place, an inspiration, a jumping off point. And, if you feel compelled, share with us your response in the comments section below.

For Cassie Hoeprich, director of the Women’s Action Committee at the University of Washington and Co-Producer of her schools production of The Vagina Monologues, being a vagina warrior “is more than just advocating for women. It’s about becoming aware of how all aspects of society have created inequalities within gender, but also within race, class, ability, etc. Acknowledging intersectionality can help us understand the different experiences that different women have. Eve Ensler has done quite a bit in advocating for what she had come to see the female voice as, but now it’s time that we start realizing it is crucial to actually include every voice instead of speaking for one another. Being a vagina warrior is respecting the range of people that identify as women and seeking allyship through out the process.”

For Tomek Latak Fior, artist and musician, “I consider myself a vagina warrior because when I’m talking to a girl I treat her as if her life and what’s going on in her world is as important and valid as my own. Like, if she mentions her period or concern over getting pregnant – I know that it’s legit conversation (instead of acting like a douche like some of my friends do). I see girls as human beings, not some idea of what “girls” are supposed to be like. I find that people like being treated like people.”

For my handsome friend Sam being a vagina warrior, “means treating all women with the same respect that I would want shown to my mom. It also means calling people out when they’re not showing decency and respect. I know a lot of guys who think that as long as they’re not being an ass, all is good. But they need to remind their friends to behave as well. I’m a vagina warrior because I treat women like people… I also really dig vaginas.”

The lovely picture of vagina warriors was taken by Lalita Love, a vagina warrior herself.

This post is by our resident blogger Carina Kolodny

Carina Kolodny is a writer and expert coffee shop loiterer based out of NYC. When not writing (or loitering) she can usually be found traveling the world or jumping out of airplanes. She became interested in HIV education while working with the Red Cross in Fiji. This was an enriching though terrifying experience as she hates snakes almost as much as she hates grammar. She counts Fiji, Cuba and Tanzania as second homes and strongly believes in the power of self love and red lipstick.

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Social Vibe users appear in Times Square!

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on February 4th, 2010

As some of you may know, we just ran a very cool project with our friends over at Social Vibe where we asked users of the site to take a photo of themselves holding up a lyric from Travis McCoy’s charity track One at a Time. The results were quite amazing – over 30,000 people took part – all showing support for Travis and the Staying Alive Foundation. Now the really exciting bit is that a selection of the best photos were taken and turned into two one minute videos which are now being shown on MTV’s huge digital billboard in the heart of Times Square, New York. If you’re in the area be sure to check it out – it’s currently running at the following times past each hour – :07, :15, :41, :54

You can check out a 30 second edited version from one of the videos below as well as some photos from it being screened…

http://www.vimeo.com/9184451

believe-billboard

trust-billboard

BE-billboard

Check out the Social Vibe site for even more ways to support the Staying Alive Foundation

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Condoms on Tongues – Say What?!

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on February 1st, 2010

I just came across this new campaign from WOM (word of mouth) Against AIDS – an Italian prevention and awareness campaign. The idea is that by putting a condom on the tongue, everyone can be a spokesperson.

YouTube Preview Image

WOM are encouraging people to put a condom on their own tongue and upload it to the gallery on their site.

What do you think about the campaign? Do you think it’ll be effective ?! Let us know by leaving a comment below…

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