Archive for February, 2011

Flirting When In A Relationship: Your View

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 23rd, 2011

Meet Jesse O’Hare, he is currently spending a week doing work experience with us at Staying Alive HQ. One of the many tasks that we have been getting Jesse to do is keep an eye on our Facebook and Twitter pages and after a heated debate on Monday around whether flirting was OK or not when in a relationship – Jesse wanted to add his 2 pennies to the debate. Let us know what you think…

To determine whether flirting is “OK” or not – I think a definition of ‘flirting’ is in order. Thesaurus.com defines it as ‘to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions’, although I fear it may have lost that meaning to a number of people; many see flirting as ‘act(ing) amorously’ with intention. I think flirting these days can often be seen as a betrayal of one’s trust in a relationship.

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Someone on the Facebook page raised the argument that if you’re flirting, it’s a sign you’re unhappy in the relationship… “why else would you need to talk suggestively to another man/woman”. But on the other hand you could say that flirting is a harmless outlet for any feelings that could develop into something more sinster; better to casually chat to a stranger with an air of flirtatiousness than keep those feelings bottled up until they explode in an outright physical act of cheating, right?

But I can’t help but think… if we drive flirting underground by making it something taboo, don’t we risk making it as heinous as actual cheating? Surely if someone is breaking taboo by flirting, they might as well go ahead and cheat outright? No one’s going stop doing it if it’s disapproved of, they’ll just feel more rebellious when they do.

Where the line between harmless and harmful lies is a matter of some contention, and will probably be something we will never be able to agree on. One man’s ‘harmless’ cheeky text to a co-worker can be read by said man’s girlfriend as something  much more worrying; it can all depend on the tone of how it is read, with the exact same sentence having completely different connotations for two different people.

However what I think there is something we can all agree on. The extent of how far flirting is allowed should go should be tailored to each individual couple; while some are comfortable with seeing their other half giggling in conversation with a stranger, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Best to play it safe and sort out the do’s and don’ts before a sizeable faux-pas can occur…

What do you think of Jesse’s argument? Is flirting OK when in a relationship?

Drop us a comment below or get involved in the original Facebook debate click here.

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Me, Myself And HIV Update: My CD4 Count

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 21st, 2011

Check out this very honest and personal piece from one of the stars of MTV Staying Alive show Me, Myself and HIV Angelikah Demonikah as she talks to us about a scare she had when her CD4 count dropped.

I have to say getting diagnosed with HIV scared the crap out of me. It scared me to the point that I stopped partying and neglecting my health and I got my life together. For the first time in my life I’m doing everything right. I have a job, I’m in school, I’m an activist, I eat healthy, I get exercise, I take my medications as prescribed, I quit using street drugs and I quit smoking cigarettes.

Angelikah throws up her M for Minneapolis

I started my HIV medication after about a year of being on a good healthy path. That was about 9 months ago. Within three months of taking my first pill I saw my viral load become undetectable. I was so excited to see the care I was putting into myself pay off. I’m still undetectable now, which is thrilling, but then I looked at my CD4 count (CD4 cells are a type of T-cell that are destroyed by the virus). Its lower than it’s ever been. It’s not the end of the world and I know I shouldn’t panic, but what do you do when you’re doing everything right yet your mortality still keeps slapping you in the face?

I’m lucky. We live in a time where I have access to reliable medications, I have an undetectable viral load and honestly my CD4 count will most likely spring right back up. I had a cold when my blood was drawn which probably made it lower than normal. Also your CD4 count can fluctuate by 30% in a day.

I know I’m freaking out for nothing right now, especially since I just looked at my test results five minutes before writing this. I have faith that I will be okay, as there is no reason for me not to be.

I guess this is why living with HIV sucks. I’ve learned to handle the stigma and I’ve grown to love taking good care of myself, but having these moments where I feel scared and alone and feel, I mean really feel, my mortality from my surface to my core, well it’s these moments that make me realize what I’ve done and what I have to live with. No, HIV isn’t necessarily a death sentence anymore. And yes, (with proper care) I probably have good 30 or 40 years left in me, but that doesn’t take away the fear. I don’t think anything can take that fear away, but knowing that I’m doing everything I can to take care of myself gives me the strength to believe that I really am gonna be okay.

What do you think of Angelikah’s recent post? If you would like to find out more about CD4 counts and other issues related to HIV or to take our HIV Testing Pledge – check out the Knowing HIV section of our Me, Myself And HIV site.

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Shuga’s Stella Mwangi Is Eurovision Hot Favourite

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on February 18th, 2011

FAO Shuga fans:

Do you remember the track we used by Kenyan singer/rapper Stella Mwangi called “She Got It” as part of the MTV Staying Alive drama Shuga?

Well, we have been keeping a close eye on what she has been getting up to since and are proud to say that Stella, who also goes by the name of STL will be representing Norway in this year’s Eurovision song contest.

The Kenyan star who is currently based in Norway, is an early favourite to win the 2011 contest with her latest single “Haba Haba” which is currently Number 1 in the Norwegian charts.

Check out the video to “Haba Haba” below which already has over 100,000 views on Youtube.

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Now for all of you hardcore fans out there we want to know: In what scene in Shuga was Stella’s track “She Got It” played? The best answer will receive an exclusive Shuga USB stick!

Good luck Stella! From all of us at MTV Staying Alive!

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Battle Of The Sexes – Burlesque

Posted by julie.allen on February 14th, 2011

We thought Valentine’s Day would be the perfect time to launch our first two Battle Of The Sexes articles.

What better way to explore and tackle the gender stereotypes across the globe than a good old challenge between the girls and the guys? Each month will be posting two articles which will explore different opinions on topics that are relevant to our “Let’s Talk About Sex” campaign and we want YOU the audience to vote on who wins your vote.

This month we will tackling the much debated issue of burlesque dancing. We sent two of our favorite UK bloggers Claire Shropshall, and Dwain Lucktung along to a burlesque night at The Volupte Lounge in Central London, UK for a romantic dinner and performance and asked:

Do you feel Burlesque dancing is empowering for women? Or objectifying?

Check out what Claire and Dwain had to say below – and don’t forget to vote for who you feel put across the best argument…

big table (2)

Claire’s View: Female Empowerment? There’s A Bit More To It Than That…

When asked if I thought burlesque was empowering for women, or degrading, my gut reaction went with the latter. After all, how could getting your kit off for money be anything but shameful?

With no prior experience of the art of striptease, I expected an evening of voluptuous, corseted women hiding behind feather boas and winking suggestively, while a gaggle of seedy looking men leered on as they disrobed. I was wrong.

Yes there were a couple of seedy men, and yes there was winking and nipple tassles, but what we were presented with didn’t at any point seem sleazy or degrading to the women performing. The homage to Chinese New Year included a tale of riches to rags, bright, glamorous costumes, a generous sprinkling of glitter and an even bigger dose of cheeky humour. It was a frivolous occasion clearly intended not to be taken too seriously, and instead of the crowd of lusty men I’d expected, there were actually quite a few females enjoying the show.

This is where I have a problem with the empowerment vs female objectification burlesque debate.  I just don’t think it’s that black and white.  At no point during the show did I feel uncomfortable, voyeuristic or that it would be appropriate for anyone to throw money at the performers, however I didn’t think the women performing were making any kind of Beyonce style statement about their sexuality.

Gone are the days when onstage flesh flashing had the potential to really shock and challenge. In the 1920s – a period that burlesque icon Dita Von Teese identified as ‘a time of national undress’ – burlesque was used to thrill and scandalise, breaking down prudish conventions of the era. Back then it could be said that women became empowered to dress more like their showgirl idols, and hemlines were rising across the nation. But what does burlesque mean for today’s society?

I don’t think, in England at least, we really have a problem with moral dress codes. Where I live in East London, you can more or less get away with anything on a night out – from trainers to stockings and a top hat. We’re not afraid to show a bit of skin, as anyone who’s spent a Saturday night in Liverpool city centre will know.

Our host for the night, Marianne Cheesecake, certainly doesn’t seem to view her career choice as a vehicle for driving forward a sexual empowerment agenda. For her, burlesque is all about creativity. Empowerment comes from being able to plan and perform something that’s entirely her own, not from proving a point about her body. ‘It keeps me alive because you’re always creating,’ she said, referring to the constant evolution of the burlesque renaissance.

And burlesque isn’t just for the ladies – there’s a whole ‘Boylesque’ male movement. So for those wanting to pidegeonhole burlesque into a female empowerment movement, I implore you to think outside the box a bit. Isn’t there just a little more to it?

Dwain’s View: Voluptuous Empowerment

Dita Von Teeses, tassels, and skin… perhaps what a first-timer would expect from a burlesque spectacle. On February 3, at central London’s Volupté burlesque cabaret club I got no Von Teese, but expectations were ultimately blown out the glittery water…

The lights dimmed, and out came three vibrant, show-stopping acts; Chinese New Year themed performances, “vintage cabaret with an Asian fusion”. The lush food provided by Volupté took a place on the sidelines as I was fully engaged (and completely distracted) by the traditional Chinese dance styles, attire and belly dancing; gyration so close to our table in the intimate venue that they practically shook our wine glasses.

Make room for Marianne Cheesecake (no, not our dessert, but headlining compare for the night). Therein laid the flip to any preconceptions, as Marianne gave up some time after her stunning solo piece to speak of her love for the beautiful and empowering entity that is burlesque.

Passionate and professional pretty much sums up the starlet; having studied in acting, improvisation, clowning and other arts in Toronto before skipping to the UK in 2004 to focus on a job she finds “fun, fulfilling and refreshing”. Is burlesque empowering I asked: “Yes, in all aspects; from the hair style to the make up, costumes and choreography, it’s my choice, my own… I have the creative control.”

What about the ‘sleaze’ perception I hear some naysayers say. The audience in Volupte was respectful no doubt, with a mixture of male and females in applause, including the odd drunk-head shouting “Arriba Arriba!” (Chinese New Year guys, not Mexico Independence Day). But on any occasion a heckler wastes their time to objectify and suppress these women (very, very rare in Volupte), as my friend Jacqueline Campbell (feminist, activist and writer) says, “There has to be some middle ground between suppressing sexuality completely and exploitation, allowing both men and women free choices to indulge in whatever practices they find fulfilling…”

And with men and women in the audience, and on stage in other shows (male burlesque performance being called boy-lesque by Marianne), it seems gender empowerment doesn’t even need to be the issue if the presence of respect and fulfilment is reciprocal. “Come see a show. Don’t misinterpret, or stereotype it” Ms Cheesecake says. “Burlesque is an evolving, always expanding art that keeps me and the audience alive.”

What did you think of these posts? More importantly – whose do you think was better?

Dwain – Who thought the show was the perfect balance between indulgence and empowerment.

Or

Claire – Who argued that in today’s environment – while pleasant enough to watch, there was no real empowering message/statement attached to the art form.

Vote for whose article you preferred below, or on our Facebook Fanpage.

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Confessions: I Hate Valentine’s Day!

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 14th, 2011

Check out this post from Blogger Martha Kundwe about why she hates Valentine’s Day

So, after all these years I should be used to this by now because every year it is the same thing February 14th Valentine’s day. My ears are practically ringing with irritation from all the adverts on the radio about Valentine’s Day, chocolate, lingerie and special events. It’s all too corny for me.

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I refuse to be sucked into all this crap just for one day. It is definitely not me. I mean come on please point me to one person who actually knows WHY the 14th day of February was the day of choice. Please do not give me a myth and DO NOT tell me to Google it. It’s all just some conspiracy by retailers to have you spend huge amounts of money on one day which totally sucks because you can do all these nice things for your partner on any, (or every) day of the year.

Imagine being a little guy or girl in high school and not getting any card or gift. That is so tormenting because we all know how mean children can be. I feel for those children I honestly do because I was one of those. I vowed from an early age (when I was told Santa wasn’t real) not to buy in to any more schemes. Don’t get me wrong back in primary school I’d make a card for my mum or a friend or beg to have a gift bought so I could give it to someone ‘special’.

See my mind was conditioned to think that love is shown on specific days. I guarantee you will not find anyone in Zambia at the mall acting all ‘lovey dovey’ with their partner on any day with the exception of course, of Valentine’s Day. People are sort of allergic to showing each other love even just with the simple act of kissing but they are so keen on this day… really?

I say so because I have heard a lot of Zambian guys get lazy after Valentines and the next event they look forward to is your birthday, (if he remembers) or Christmas. I have no idea about other men around the world, but this is my experience.

Now don’t get me wrong I love all the gift giving, I mean who doesn’t, right? But my boyfriend knows perfectly well how I feel about Valentine’s Day and while he still does his bit to be nice and go along with this whole buying gifts thing, he knows that I prefer the love I get on a daily basis.

If you think you must, then by all means please enjoy the day but just remember that all I’m saying is that Valentine’s Day should be every day, not just on the February 14th!

What do you think of Martha’s post? And what is your view on Valentine’s Day? Would you prefer to be loved every day or spoiled rotten on just one?

Drop us a comment and let us know your thoughts…

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Valentines Day: Alternative Sex

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 14th, 2011

Blogger Jayne Mazimba talks about the joys that phone sex can bring on Valentine’s Day, especially when miles apart from your partner.

So with Valentines fever is here and for some of us trying to nurture young and long distance relationships it’s kind of like a challenge as to what you can do to keep things heated and not let your relationship fizzle. So the girls and I got talking about Phone and Skype sex.

Yes I am talking about getting down and dirty over the phone with my man – who I am too far away to get physical with.

phone sex

Personally I think Phone sex is a great idea, and not just for people in long distance relationships. It’s a great way to become comfortable talking about the most intimate issues in your relationships and also adding a new dimension all together. At the risk of giving too much information I will say my man loves it when I talk dirty to him, or send naughty private messages and emails. Whether I am in the country or not.

Sitting around with the girls and talking about having phone sex with our boyfriends seem to still shock some people. I get that we are all different people with different ideas of what is acceptable sexual behavior. But if you can’t get on the phone with the man you are intimate with and tell him exactly what you want him to do with or to you, then how can you expect to have a great, comfortable, and healthy sex life with him? How can you be comfortable letting him know in person what gets you going and what puts you off.  How do you expect to talk about issues like condoms and contraception face to face?

I also believe phone sex is one of the safest modes of sex out there. I mean you can be intimate with the person you are with, and still not have any physical contact. At least when I talk dirty to my boyfriend I don’t have to worry about reaching for a pack of condoms, making sure  they are used properly or checking if any accidents happened. At least for those few minutes I can afford to be “just let go”.

So ladies, this Valentine’s Day, if you can’t physically be with the person you love. Make a surprise call while he is busy stressing at the office. Whisper a few naughty fantasies to him/her and let him/her know exactly how much you miss them – and when you do – make sure you come back here and tell me how it went!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Jayne Mazimba: Boredom and complacency are Jayne’s biggest enemies, so she tries like crazy to make everything she does enjoyable in one way or another. Jayne loves to look good, loves to have fun and loves to be the centre of attention. And her motto is “What’s the point of doing anything if you can’t enjoy and have fun with it?”.

What do you think of Jayne’s latest post? Have you ever experienced the joys of phone sex/other alternatives to sex?

Feel free to share your positive or negative experiences below or join the discussion on our Facebook Fanpage

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Valentines Day: The Different Kind Of Relationships

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 14th, 2011

Check out guest blogger Claire Shropshall, who for Valentine’s Day has provided a run down of some of the more dysfunctional kinds of relationships that you will find over this period… sound familiar?

Valentine’s Day is one of the most opinion-polarising occasions of the year. For some it’s a chance to spoil loved ones rotten, whereas for cupid cynics it’s a steadfast effort to defy convention and avoid romance at all costs, while simultaneously plotting how to push those irritatingly loved up couples in front of a bus, without getting caught.

Because, let’s face it, V-Day really is just a thinly veiled excuse for chocolate and fluffy bunny retailers to rub their hands in glee and line their pockets, isn’t it? I mean, there’s absolutely no small part of you that secretly hopes for a card or some kind of romantic gesture on this gooiest of days. Definitely not. Until that mystery bouquet of flowers turns up on the doorstep and you practically faint with excitement…with a card signed by…oh. Mr X. Great, thanks Mum.

Come on. We’re all total love crazed fools at heart – with serious emphasis on the crazy – and with that in mind I’ve compiled a list of some of the more, er, dysfunctional relationships out there. Do you and your significant other fall into any of these pairings?

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1) The ‘we’ve fallen off the face of the planet now we’re a couple’ couple – Now these two have found each other they’re so deliriously happy they’ve no need for external things. The phone rings off the hook, friends and hobbies are dropped like the atom bomb and as for Valentine’s aspirations…well they barely know which month they’re in, let alone day!

2) The Facebook couple – We’ve all seen it. It should be private, but it’s oh-so-public – album upon album of photos of just the two of them, endless declarations of love across the social networking cosmos and that all important ‘in a relationship with’ status. Valentine’s will probably involve an extra soppy wall posting, along with a virtual box of chocolates.

3)      The sick bucket couple – The couple we love to hate. This relationship should come with a disclaimer: ‘WILL attempt to set single friends up with anyone with a pulse’. All because they’re blissfully happy, and want you to find said bliss. It’s charming really, but their vomit inducing sweet nothings aren’t for the faint hearted. I can’t even go into what might lie in store for Valentine’s.

4) The ‘passionate’ couple – One moment this duo is planning marriage and multiple babies, and the next they’re swinging for each other with the frying pan. But it’s not because they’re totally bonkers, oh no, they’re just in love. Valentine’s guarantees a full-circle affair – there will be laughter, tears, perhaps a broken window and most certainly a whole lot of drama.

Claire Shropshall is a London based writer with a dangerous weakness for travelling the world, and cheese. She first developed an interest in social issues and human rights while working across a portfolio of charity magazines and now writes and edits for hearing loss charity RNID, while also penning art, music, travel and HIV education articles and blogs in her spare time.

What did you think of Claire’s post? Do you or any of your friends fall into any of these categories?

But regardless of what relationship you find yourself in this Valentine’s Day, whether you will be loved up or on the lookout for for a new love – we are only concerned with one thing – that you have fun and be safe or as UNAIDS have been Tweeting: #LoveSafely


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Vox Pop: Sex Educators Tell All

Posted by Guest Blogger on February 8th, 2011

Who better to get involved in our “Let’s Talk About Sex” theme than vox pop host, writer, and sex educator Francisco Ramirez? Check out what happened in his latest video “Sex Educators Tell All” below.

Let me get right down to it: many of our sex ed and HIV prevention messages are stale. Stale like newsstand candy and Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No.”

I know, I know… maybe it’s wrong for me to say that, being a sex educator myself. But it’s true.

So, when MTV Staying Alive asked me to create a fresh, new Vox Pop in line with the “Let’s Talk About Sex” campaign, I was all about it. But, on one condition: this time, the ones coming clean about their private lives would not be your ordinary “gal/guy-on-the-street,” but HIV educators and counselors themselves.

See, when educators say, “let’s talk about sex,” we usually have one thing in mind: getting YOU to talk about your own sex life. But, if we’re going to talk about sex in a way that makes a difference, we have to do so honestly—and from all angles. Otherwise, it’s back to the stale and crusty.

Curious to know what happens when we turn the cameras on these sex educators? Click below, and see for yourself.

http://www.vimeo.com/17289814

Francisco Ramirez promotes sexual well-being for all people. As a global consultant, he works in HIV and sexual well-being for the United Nations and other organizations. Francisco also offers “Free Advice on Relationships, Sex & Dating” to passersby in New York City. Join his sexual revolution at http://franciscoramirez.org. (Video directed by Mia C. Villanueva of www.narragroup.com)

Want more? Check out: Francisco’s first Vox Pop: “When Was the Last Time You F’d Up?” Debut article on Francisco Ramirez or check out some of the extra pictures we took during the shoot.

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How To Put On A Condom

Posted by Carina Kolodny on February 2nd, 2011

Guest blogger Carina Kolodny takes you through her seven step guide to using condoms correctly.

I was just 15 when I was first instructed in the ways of condom usage: sitting in health class, watching my health teacher shakily slide a rubber around the girth of an overly-ripe banana. It was weird, silly, ridiculous and it may just be the avid people watcher in me but I definitely paid more attention to Mr. Brennan’s uncomfortable facial expressions than I did to the lesson at hand. To this day, I vividly remember the look of utter misery that crossed his face as the lubed condom flew recklessly from his sweaty hand. I remember the accompanying laughter and making flirty eyes at the cute boy in the desk across from me BUT I can’t recall a single thing that Mr. Brennan said about how to put on a condom.

Maybe your attention span is greater than mine or you were blessed with an instructor who had a firmer grip. Regardless, in the interest of crossing my ‘t’s’ and dotting my ‘i’s,’ I can’t see who wouldn’t benefit from a short series of “crash courses” to fill in the blanks that sex education (or lack of) may have left in it’s wake. So here you go, installment numero uno:

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Putting On A Condom 101

Step 1: Read The Fine Print - expiration dates are there for a reason… where drinking old milk might give you a stomach ache, using a dated rubber might leave you lactating. (Get it? Cuz’ you might get preg-o?) If it’s past the date, chuck it.

Step 2: Loosen Your Grip When You Grip - It’s a thin latex membrane and it’s the only barrier between you and a whole lot of potential problems. Don’t roughly rip the wrapper, gently tear it on the side.

Step 3: Pinch The Tip – of the condom. If you just roll the condom on without pinching the tip, a lot of air is going to get trapped in the top… this causes friction and leaves the condom more prone to breaking…

Step 4: Ready To Roll - still firmly pinching the tip, roll the condom down the base of the penis.Remember this should be done when the penis is hard and when sexual contact is about to begin. If you accidentally start putting the condom on upside down, chuck it and return to step one.

Step 5: Lubricate - friction causes breakage so if you haven’t chosen a lubricated condom, make sure to add a lube of your choice before you begin.

Step 6: Enjoy - Hey, you don’t need my help on this bit!

Step 7: Wrap It Up – As soon as the guy ejaculates it’s time to get it off, but be as careful taking it off as you were putting it on. Go slow and be wary of spills.

Drop us a comment and let us know your thoughts on Carina’s seven steps to using condoms correctly.

Carina Kolodny is a writer and expert coffee shop loiterer based out of NYC. When not writing (or loitering) she can usually be found traveling the world or jumping out of airplanes. She became interested in HIV education while working with the Red Cross in Fiji. This was an enriching though terrifying experience as she hates snakes almost as much as she hates grammar. She counts Fiji, Cuba and Tanzania as second homes and strongly believes in the power of self love and red lipstick.

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