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Suzanne’s Diary: Rollercoaster Ride

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 20th, 2010

Check out the newest post form resident blogger Suzanne about breaking up with her boyfriend and about difficulties with dealing with this situation.

After the crazy weekend I just had, it was easy for me to forget all the drama I’ve been going through with Darrell (my boyfriend) right now.

Yes I caught him cheating, again! I accidentally got into his email thinking it was my login and found threads of messages between him and some girl. This is the third time round. Well technically it is still the second time because he is cheating with the same girl he cheated with last time. It is so painful when you find out the person you love and have given yourself to has been unfaithful.

So I went out with my girls and had ‘out of control’ fun. It is my coping mechanism. I needed to feel sexy and desired so I dressed to kill and I could feel all the guys staring at me wherever I went and their girlfriends enviously burning holes in ma fine booty. It was perfect, and for those two and half nights of fun and drunken hangovers, the world was virtually perfect.

Now it’s a Monday, and reality is all up in ma face. I feel down and depressed, very unattractive and didn’t even get out of bed to go to work. I resolved to end it with Darrell today when he came over in the evening. I mean am beautiful and have been a good girlfriend to him for five years. I don’t deserve this kind of treatment and disrespect. I am a strong black woman and I have control of my life right…. Wrong!! Apparently am not as strong as I give myself credit for.

Darrell arrived with flowers and my favorite chocolate. We sat in the car outside my house and I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore and he… wait for it… began to cry. He said how sorry he was and wasn’t gonna see or ever talk to that girl anymore. He said he had only ever agreed to hang out with her because she was going through a hard time (apparently her dad just died) and she was suicidal, he didn’t know what else to do. Listening to him, I half believed him And I felt sorry for him so I agreed to give him another chance. He held me and I felt so at home and loved in his arms.

Now that am back in the house I realize I’VE BEEN PLAYED! He knows all my buttons and knows exactly how to emotionally manipulate me into staying with him. I hate him for making me feel like am hopeless to do anything. I always looked down at those girls who get cheated on and treated like shit by their boyfriends over and over again. I thought they must be so weak and needy to stay with a person who disrespects you like that.

Ma girlfriends and I would tut our heads at them and gossip behind their backs. Now am one of those girls and my girls are telling me to leave but I feel like I don’t wanna just let go of five years, what if I cant find someone else and I end up alone for the rest of my life. I admit am scared of starting over. What if no other guys think me hot? What if he is telling the truth and that girl trapped him. He says he only had sex with her once, and he used protection. What if his telling the truth? Am just gonna go to sleep and hope I have the answers in the morning.

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My Right To Speak About HIV

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 19th, 2010

Check out this very powerful piece from guest blogger Claire Shropshal on the right to speak about HIV and overcome the fear and the stigma aroused from HIV don’t let it become a ‘silent killer’.

When the US Government pumped an additional 30 million dollars into its movement against gender-based violence earlier this year, it recognised a critical part of the HIV/AIDS struggle. Widely construed as an indiscriminate killer, the fact that women are actually at greater risk of contracting the disease is often overlooked.

I consider my right to condom use and consensual sex exactly that – a fundamental human entitlement. No questions asked, no excuses. Sadly in some countries women are less able to negotiate condom use through fear of abuse and violence, and vocalising positive HIV status will frequently lead to discrimination, further hostility and cruelty. Fear breeds a self perpetuating cycle of vulnerability and helplessness.

The US President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) which will target Tanzania, Mozambique and the Democratic Republic of Congo in particular acknowledges the dual pandemics of violence against women and the spread of HIV infection as global and inextricably linked. Tapping the problem at one of its sources, it argues, will save countless lives.

No-one chooses HIV. However it seems free choice, or rather the lack of. Is an all-pervading force driving its transmission across the globe? What hope is there for someone whose ability to choose their sexual partners is non existent? What about the HIV sufferer that can’t access proper medical treatment in case their condition is made public? Even here in the UK fear remains a toxic influence on the increase of STDs – fear of bringing up the condom issue and the fear of getting that sexual health check up.

Thankfully our history of branding HIV as a gay disease lives on as nothing but a dangerous myth, in fact the majority of new diagnoses of HIV in the last decade have come about through heterosexual contact according to sexual health charity DHIVERSE.

That’s not to say that going public about HIV is without its traumas though – stigma still remains a corrosive scourge at the heart of more ignorant perceptions of the virus. Especially when you have senior politicians like Conservative MP Julian Lewis speaking out against lowering the age of gay sexual consent, because ‘there is a seriously increased risk of HIV infection arising from male homosexual activity’.

Unsurprisingly these recent comments were slammed.

Ignorance at this blinding level was prevalent back in the 80s when HIV hysteria really took hold and inevitably brings us back to the root of all HIV/AIDS-related stigma and discrimination. Fear.

So does this fear of prejudice and abuse have to trigger a never ending series of events? Can men and women alike empower themselves to speak up and break the cycle? Recent efforts to dismantle the problem at its foundations are an encouraging step in the right direction, but until bad attitudes and fear around HIV and AIDS are truly tackled it will remain a silent killer.

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Azafady: Poverty In Madagascar

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 19th, 2010

Check out the latest blog from Ailie Judd, the winner of the Vodafone: World of Difference competition. In her latest entry Ailie talks about her work for Azafady and shares some shocking stories about poverty in Madagascar.

4 weeks to go and the days seem to be slipping past as I prepare for my return to Madagascar. This week I have been gathering information and additional ideas for my HIV prevention programme with pregnant women. I have received a great deal of support from the SOPHIA Forum, the UK Steering Committee for the Global Coalition of Women and AIDS and from DR Alice Welbourn who designed the internationally recognised HIV training programme, Stepping Stones. Receiving such amazing support has really reminded me of the bigger picture of HIV, the international community that I am part of and the importance of sharing information to ensure the fight against HIV is unified.

Photo: Ed Kashi www.edkashi.com

Over the next few weeks I want to build a picture of Madagascar, particularly the south and the town of Fort Dauphin where I work, to explain why it is at risk of an HIV epidemic and following in the footsteps of other African Nations. Last week I gave a brief overview of the current political situation in Madagascar and what impact this is having on the economy. As one of the poorest countries in the world, the political crisis is simply exemplifying the already dire social and environmental problems. With 85.5% of the country already living on less than $2 a day, the media have reported an increase of children dropping out of school to work and help their family earn an income. As a result of this extreme poverty, the World Food Programme predicts that 50% of children under the age of three suffer growth problems due to a chronically inadequate diet.

As well as fast depleting natural resources, Madagascar lacks basic water and sanitation systems, so less than half the population has access to clean drinking water. In places like Fort Dauphin beaches or grassy spaces surround the local lakes are still frequently used as sites for public defecation which is why Azafady initiated a comprehensive health and sanitation programme. Diseases such as malaria, bilharzia, typhoid and respiratory diseases are widespread and the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) such as gonorrhoea and syphilis are among the highest in the world. Vaginal STD’s in Fort Dauphin are predicted by local doctors to be as high as 40%. STD rates are usually seen as an indicator for HIV, as it demonstrates the rate of unprotected sexual behaviour and also makes people biologically more vulnerable to contracting the virus.

In Fort Dauphin the Government HIV/AIDS Task Force has completely collapsed due to the political crisis and so leadership directing the response to the HIV epidemic has disintegrated. With this HIV testing has dropped in the local hospital from 200 people a month to 18. This makes it extremely difficult to track the spread of the virus and predict the true rate of prevalence. Azafady is the only organisation doing a public HIV and STD awareness campaign in the town and for the benefits of the people of Madagascar we are staying committed to this cause and leading others to do the same.

Ailie Judd

If you would like to know more please follow the links:

Azafady: A Background To Madagascar

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Video: Annie Lenox’s positive message about HIV

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on August 18th, 2010

I found another interesting video today. Annie Lenox who is a famous singer and HIV awareness campaigner shares her thoughts about her own way of showing solidarity with people who live with HIV. In her opinion: “the fight against HIV/AIDS is not about charity but about securing human rights”.

“I wear “HIV Positive” T-shirt to show my support for fighting the virus” Annie Lenox

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All In The Name Of Making A Better World

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 18th, 2010

Guest blogger John Paul Munene tells us some interesting and inspiring stories about his work in the HIV prevention project in Kenya. He also shares his concerns about moving to a completely different country and about people’s reactions to information that he is from the place with high HIV prevalence.

‘It is unbelievable I mean, how can it be true? After all that I have done in my life? I thought I was HIV positive because I have had sexual intercourse with many men, most of the time without a condom as it pays better. This is a turning point for me as I have known today that I am HIV negative. From today “no condom no sex” says Purity (not real name) from Dandora Sex workers group.

The testimony above speaks about the goal of the work I do. For the last one and a half years, I have worked in a HIV prevention project that aims to scale up various prevention interventions targeting Most at Risk Populations (MARPS). Kenya recently launched its third Kenya National AIDS Strategic Plan which defines MARPS as population groups whose behavior puts them at the greatest risk of acquiring HIV; in Kenya sex workers (both female and male), IDUs, long distance truck drivers are primarily considered MARPs.

The project I work with focuses on reaching sex workers, Men who have Sex with Men (MSM) and Long distance truck drivers.When I got the new position it came with the requirement of moving 100km from my home Nairobi, Kenya to a rural location, known as Kajiado, south east of Nairobi. It was an exciting opportunity and I looked forward to it. The move in April 2009 was smooth. The town was dusty and small, there was no running fresh water in all houses, and saline water was pumped from boreholes to become our daily supply of water. My main tasks were to train people on reproductive health issues, encourage counselling and testing for them to know their HIV status and provide other reproductive health related services.

The first group I met of sex workers was interesting; they yearned to know more about HIV and AIDs and were eager to know their HIV status. More so they were happy to know that someone out there actually cared for them and was ready to provide reproductive health services. The year went by so fast with several challenges and successes. At the end of the first year of what was to be a 3 year project, our donor’s required us to change course and reach a larger number of MARPS. This meant relocating back to Nairobi, because we all know that large cities are home to all sorts of high risk activities because of the large population, hope for employment and few work opportunities that lead to people engaging in sex to earn a living.

In June this year, I was back in Nairobi doing the same business. While doing all this wonderful work, in May I was successfully admitted to study at the University of Nottingham. Moving to UK excited every bone in my body as much as it made me anxious. Yes…..I love change, learning new cultures and getting new experiences, but I was not so sure what I’d find in Nottingham. I was not looking forward to be the guy walking around with a map just to get to the grocery store. I wondered how I’d fit into a highly individualistic society coming from a very social community. I also wondered what the perception would be of most people freely interacting with a guy from a country with a high HIV prevalence. Not to sound discriminatory but when foreigners have visited my country, several have echoed that they would not sexually interact with locals because of their fear of getting infected with HIV or Sexually Transmitted Infections.

As I thought about all these things and still made sure I had my head stuck on my shoulders, I embraced the idea that this is the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life and the promise of great things ahead. Taking a deep breath in, I decided to be positive and see what lies ahead….

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Your Thoughts About Circumcision

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on August 17th, 2010

Yesterday I was looking for some news about HIV and I found this interesting article about circumcision. According to scientists it can reduce the possibility of transmitting the HIV virus by 60%. I decided I will post it as a Facebook status and I also asked you about your opinion about the message that circumcision sends out to young people about practising safe sex. Now it is time to sum up this discussion.

Most of you agreed this is good information but at the same time you raised some interesting issues. James said: “recent studies in Zambia show that HIV rates have gone up among circumcised men because they misunderstand that reduced risk is not prevention and have adopted wrong sexual behavior attitudes”. It’s very interesting point of view. I think it’s really important to educate youths at the same time. They have to know is not a magic cure and it wont prevent them from acquiring HIV in 100%. On the other hand Alex’ sad “sexual mutilation of children could as well be forbidden, and left to a time when informed and valid consent is to be had.” I agree with Sarah that “circumcision is just the first step, and not the last (…).” and with Phindani that “we must continue to practise a safe sex…BE SEX WISE (…)”. That’s a very good message. We all have to be sex-wise. It’s your own choice and your responsibility if you want to use condoms or not. You are the one that have to make this decision. You will have to take the consequences of your actions. In the end any new way of decreasing possibility of acquiring HIV is the good news.

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Video: New facts and stunning data visuals on HIV

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on August 17th, 2010

Searching through the internet for HIV stories for our daily Facebook discussion I came across this interesting video from the TED website. Hans Rosling is a Swedish doctor and researcher who wants to dispel myths and stereotypes about the developing world. In this video he tries to explain why, in his opinion, prevention and raising awareness is a key to end an HIV epidemic. He also shows that HIV is not only a problem of African countries.

“HIV exists all over the world. Brazil has many HIV- infected. Arab countries not so many, but neighboring Iran has many HIV infected, mainly due to frequent heroin abuse. India has many HIV infected because of a big population. Countries in South East Asia have varying % of HIV infected persons. But, it is in parts of Southern and Eastern Africa where you will find areas and groups with very high percent of HIV infected.” From: Hans Rosling on HIV: New facts and stunning data visuals

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Azafady: A Background To Madagascar

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 13th, 2010

Check out the latest blog from Ailie Judd, after her tremendous victory in the Vodafone: World of Difference competition, allowing her to continue her HIV prevention work with small non profit – Azafady. In this blog Ailie talks about why Madagascar is unique in comparison to other parts of Africa, but how political corruption has left the island in crisis.

With just 5 weeks to go until I am back in Fort Dauphin I am caught in cross emotions; excited and eager to return and start my HIV prevention project, and apprehensive and thoughtful of the loved ones and life I am leaving behind. But I feel extremely lucky to be going back and being able work in the country I fell in love with almost a year ago. Like most people in the West I knew very little about Madagascar, apart from the ridiculous cartoon and some vague notion of limas, before I went out to work for Azafady.

Photo: Ed Kashi www.edkashi.com

As the 4^th largest island in the world it is roughly the same size as France, situated in the Indian Ocean with the Mozambique Channel separating it from Africa. Madagascar split from Africa roughly 160 million years ago and the Indian sub continent around 90 million ago. As result the island is an ecologist’s dream as 80% of the plants and wildlife are not found anywhere else in the world. Archaeologists believe the first settlers originated from Polynesia around 2000 years ago, which explains why the native language, Malagasy is very similar to that of Indonesian. The second language is French due to the colonial rule between 1896-1960.

Since Independence Madagascar has struggled to successful build its economy. Like many African countries political corruption and international interests of the precious natural resources, have hindered development. The current political crisis is yet another episode in Malagasy history, when progress is being reversed and the country is being dragged further back into poverty. In January 2009 Andry Rajoelina, the Mayor of the Capital Antananarivo, successfully executed a military coup d’être removing the president Marc Ravalomanana from power. Since the coup the country has slowly suffered the impacts of trade sanctions and withdrawal of international aid.

Mark Jacobs, the Director of Azafady recently told me a story which helped me understand the Malagasy apathy to the coup. Whilst Mark was working in the bush he met a village who were desperately in need of a bridge so they could transport goods to the market town. Some years before the villagers had decided to self-fund the project and all gave what they could afford to the Chief of the village. The Chief disappeared with the money and returned with 3 zebus (horned cows). The bridge was never built and the Chief stayed in power. When Mark questioned the villagers, they said they weren’t angry, they didn’t blame the Chief, given the money they would have been tempted to do the same.

The Malagasy people even though extremely poor have an amazing appreciation for life and are not naturally confrontational. There is a strong sense of family and community spirit and modesty when it comes to leadership. Those that take advantage of this good nature are few and far between, but leave devastation when they do.

Like what your read? Check out some of Ailie’s previous posts below:

Azafady: Looking To the Future

Help Azafady

Azafady – The Final Hurdle

A Tremendous Success For Azafady

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Susanne’s Diary: Under The Influence

Posted by Guest Blogger on August 13th, 2010

Check out the first post of many from our new blogger Suzanne, who will be giving us weekly blogs about her life in Lusaka, Zambia, and her life experiences of issues relating to sex, relationships and HIV. In her first entry she writes about the influence of alcohol on our decisions and advantages of having friends around when you are not able to think for yourself.

Woke up today with a massive headache and a nauseating smell, (alcohol breath) eww. For a minute I was disoriented and couldn’t recognize where I was and who the body softly snoring next to me was. So I took a minute to focus my thoughts and vision on my surroundings, I realized that I was actually in my room and my friend Mercy was sleeping in the bed with me.

Slowly memories of last night started flashing back at me. The loud music in the club, me downing shots of tequila and dancing to Gyptian’s “hold yah” with a hot guy, but for the life of me I cannot remember leaving the club and coming home or getting into my bed.

Later in the afternoon, the girls and I gathered to kill our hangover and reminisce about last nights happenings. I was hoping they could fill me in on my blank spaces. Into the conversation, Debby goes, “OMG, Susanne you were totally into that guy last night. If it hadn’t been for us, you probably would have gone home with him.”

Of course I denied this adamantly because now that I think about it, he isn’t even my kind of guy. Too cocky, too short and he didn’t have the right attitude, and besides I am paranoid about strange guys being around me. But later when I was alone, I got to thinking about how much we under estimate the effects of alcohol. Yes I was completely excited and happy to be hanging out with my girls. We had wine while dressing up; we had cocktails at a hip restaurant and continued on shots and ciders at the club.

It also seems guys know the power of alcoholic influence. Ever notice how guys will keep staring at you from across the room at a party or club and will send over a couple of drinks, but will only approach later when you are happy and tipsy. That way the chances of rejection are reduced, and it is also easier for them to take advantage of you. I have had a number of my friends say they woke up without their pants on, in a place they didn’t know. Or they had sex with a guy they didn’t even like because, “I was drunk” or “I don’t know what I was thinking”, and they don’t even remember if a condom was used. The scariest part for me though is that, that could just as easily have been me.

The truth is we usually drink more than we realize, and binge drinking is just as bad. If not worse than drinking a little regularly. Drinking leaves us vulnerable on so many levels. Your decision making starts getting impaired from the moment you take that first mouthful. Physically we become slower and weaker, reaction time is lessened and yourself restraint goes out the window. So even though I stuck to my story that I wasn’t flirting with that guy in the club, I can’t be 100% sure and am grateful that I had great friends around me to look out for me and make me realize what could have been. So I have also made a conscious decision to keep an eye on how much alcohol I drink.

Susanne is a 22 year old advertising student from Zambia. She loves socializing, networking and getting what she wants. On the other hand she hates idle-time and the outdoors. Susanne also hopes she won’t pass through her life unnoticed.

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Inside Vienna: Dealing With Your Diagnosis

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on August 13th, 2010

While the International Aids Conference in Vienna is over, we have one more video that we wanted to share with you.

MTV Staying Alive caught up with Luis from Portugal; Luis is HIV positive and explains how in 1995 he learned that he had developed AIDS. Check out what he has to say about how he dealt with his diagnosis, and how after preparing his will and saying goodbye to friends, he is still alive and well as a result of being put on effective HIV treatment.

http://www.vimeo.com/14112890

What did you think of this video? Did you know that with the correct treatment it was possible to live a fit and healthy life with HIV well into your 70s? Given that HIV is no longer considered as a death sentance, why do you feel the stigma surrounding HIV is still so high?

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Archive for August, 2010

Suzanne’s Diary: Rollercoaster Ride

My Right To Speak About HIV

Video: Annie Lenox’s positive message about HIV

All In The Name Of Making A Better World

Your Thoughts About Circumcision

Video: New facts and stunning data visuals on HIV

Azafady: A Background To Madagascar

Susanne’s Diary: Under The Influence

Inside Vienna: Dealing With Your Diagnosis

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