My Boyfriend Cheated On Me, But I Still Love Him

Posted by Guest Blogger on June 11th, 2010

Guest blogger Candy tells us about the difficulties she faced leaving her unfaithful boyfriend.

I was one of those girls that everyone whispers about incredulously?

“How can she stay with that guy? He cheats on her all the time!”
“No man could have me like that!”
“She deserves better”, or
“She is getting EXACTLY what she deserves if she won’t stand up for herself!”

he cheated

It isn’t that I did not stand up for myself. Who likes being cheated on? It makes you question your worth as a woman, as a person even.

It’s only that I loved him so. In retrospect, maybe I was stupid. But when I questioned him, he’d lie so truthfully that I wanted to believe every word flowing from those honeyed lips- backed up earnestly with his pleading eyes.

Of course I knew. Girls aren’t stupid – we know. It takes strength to allow yourself to believe the truth. Especially when it hurts. Or when it threatens your happiness. And, oh, did he make me happy!

No one could love me like he did. When he was with me I had his undivided attention. We shared an emotional bond that I have yet to find with someone else. OUR relationship was perfect. But it wasn’t monogamous from his end…

One day, it hit me. I was being faithful and he wasn’t. As much as I was able to convince myself he was going through a phase and I was the one he truly wanted- and be okay with that- there were other consequences I had not thought about.

What about HIV? STD’s? His not being committed to one sexual partner (me!) meant that if he ‘picked up’ something, I could get it too.

There was my reality slap. Who can feel comfortably intimate while questioning if something is there now that wasn’t there the last time we got tested? I certainly could not.

I loved him, but I could not put myself at risk. I love me too.

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108 Comments...
  1. Erin_00 says:
    January 4, 2012 at 3:58 am

    I found out on Christmas day at a friend’s party that my boyfriend of 7 years was cheating on me. For a month he has been seeing one of his employees and even bought her kid an expensive Christmas gift, and had her in our apartment! He says he did not sleep with her and that he was just confused about our relationship. I was confused because he never communicated this to me, as far as I knew we were both very happy with “us”. Our jobs were pretty stressful, but we took care of each other (or so I thought). I found a ring and we discussed marriage, and he said he was scared and used that as an excuse. So, I told him that I was willing to forgive him because I loved him SO MUCH, but the girl he cheated on me with works for him and he can’t fire her. I told him he had to ask her to transfer or I’m gone. He said he couldn’t do that, so I guess I wasn’t worth fighting for…… Now he’s freaking out because rumors around work are spreading and he may lose his job, because managers are not permitted to have relationships with their employees. I have evidence they are still talking via texts/phone and despite this, I still want him to chase after me. Am I crazy?

  2. Nachell says:
    January 5, 2012 at 1:06 am

    The advice i would give all of you is just to move ON! Im currently 18, and my firts boyfriend of 1 year was cheating on me with a girl i never thought he would see. I met him at the age of 17, and 5 months after we hooked up i got pregnant. I had to get an abortion, and to tell you all, he never came to see me that day, he only came to see me the nect day for only 1 hour. 2 motnhs after my abortion, i found out he gave me HPV. This man told me he loved me everyday, and he would make me feel so good inside. Then things really started to get out of hand. Whenever i did something he didnt like, he would abuse me and hit me. He would pull my hair, and one day, he even busted my lip open.Still, being a stupid young little girl, i forgave him. It has been 3 months after he texted this girl, and i just found out about this yesterday. I told him NOT to talk to that girl since the beggining of our relationship, and he still did. When i saw that, i said this is enough. Please ladies dont hurt yourselves. We are way to beutiful and sensitive to be crying over 1 MAN. Trust me, this hurts me, but if i take him back, this will just keep going on, and he will stop doing it, but then one day it will start all over again. You need to tell yourself THIS IS ENOUGH. Dont be stupid ladies, dont be weak and dumb. Be strong. Dont let a man break you down. Trust me, there is one man out there that will love you unconditionally.

  3. Erinrae says:
    January 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    My boyfriend for 4 months started a rumor he wanted to break ul but wen i talked to him about it he said he didnt and loved me so much i asked him why he said he did and he told me he was testing me to make sure i wasnt bored with him. So i told him mever to do it again and he swore to me he wouldnt. Later that night one of my bestfriends told me the truth. He had been cheating. But wen i asked him about it he said it was just today cuz he thought i was breaking up with him. I love him so much even still after he this. Im sure that he probly did cheat but i dont go to school with so i dont know what really happened but i decided to give him a day to see if he really is sorry and if it really was a mistake and if its tru then he’ll fight for me to get me back. I feel stupid giving him another chance but i guess ill have to get hurt again until i really figure out i dont need him but as of right now i really need him and want him back

  4. Erin_00 says:
    January 12, 2012 at 6:19 am

    You’re right Nachell….. and I actually just did some digging and discovered that he’s been cheating on me for 3 years with about 4 other girls! Three were his employees and 1 is from online. I can’t believe this……I’m DONE!!!!

  5. Firm says:
    January 15, 2012 at 10:10 am

    I think as ladies are just too beautiful to be crying for these men and they are taking advantage of that. If a man cheats on his girlfriend, the only answer about that is he is not satisfied with her and she has to move on with her life. I also recently found out that the man i was dating was something else. He accidentally gave me his password for facebook and i found a shock of my life. He was proposing to every girl he met online and even meeting them and having sex with them behind my back. It time to just move on because such a person is not worth fighting for.

  6. Alisha says:
    January 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Im going thru same thing, we began dating summer 2010 it was going so well until march 2011 and by that time we confused our love for each other. All of a sudden he up and disappeared I was so hurt I loved him do much, I told myself ok I’ll move on although I never fully was over him. He give me 2 stds and HPV I still forgive him bcuz I really do love him. I spent do much money and things on him bcuz i knew that he had me. He claims he couldn’t take me away at college but I came home alot. So there’s no excuse. But in July he reappeared trying to get back together I didn’t have that then he keep contacting me bcuz he really loved me so I met someone new who I like but he’s all over bcuz were at different colleges. But getting back to my ex we started spending time to together here and they’re now jan 2012 I find myself back in a relationship with him he claims this time will be different. It’s only 2 wk he already asking for things and I do it bcuz I’m in love with him. No matter what I can’t get over him. Now that sex is involved my emotions are crazy I know he’s no good for me and I’m very intelligent so idk y I do it to myself but he has my heart after 2 yrs I know this but he’s meet my mother and friends I haven’t met anyone for him and I’m weary of this bcuz that’s completely suspicious by now if he doesn’t see I’m right for him there’s something wrong. He speaks of us in the future but we have do many issues now idk. Is being in love worth this. It’s not like I’m stupid I know what I should do and that he isn’t right for me and he may be even using me. But deep done I know he loves me bcuz we have days were its inevitable that there’s nothing but unconditional love, like we were meant to meet each other but the same days I wonder will he up and leave again I can’t take it again I told him. My heart will be brokening bcuz I’ve given him do much of me so far. At this point I just want to finish college ugh and meet someone worth my time bcuz he’s all wrong for me yet my love for him remains true. Despite all the shit he’s put me thru

  7. Gileen says:
    January 18, 2012 at 4:46 am

    I know what’s its like..i had a boyfriend for almost 2 years and we planned on getting married…he made me so happy was so sweet and i believed every word he said…i loved him so much, and i still do. For over a year he NEVER let me down. But a few months ago he started partying all the time, dropped out of school, and became basically a drug attic. But i loved him so much even if he failed in life, i loved him for who he was is what i told myself. But he was always to drunk or high to see me, and he wasn’t sweet like he used to be. Next thing i know he tells me he cheated on me when he was drunk, he said it wasn’t his fault, so i believe him, and forgave him. But things continued to go downhill and he continued to swore he loved me and go on special dates, and then not answer his phone for weeks. Finally he tells me he wants to break up because he has been cheating on me the whole time. No apology, no goodbye, he wouldn’t even let me take my stuff or my money back. A week later (today) i find out he has a little slut girlfriend already! I loved him because he was sweet charming and never let me down, but it took me months of being emotionally and verbally abused by the boy i loved to realize, he wasn’t the boy i loved, all this boy wanted is sex!!! and our relationship was SO MUCH More than that! I should’ve left the first time he cheated, or sooner.

  8. sh says:
    January 20, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Yeah I don’t know what’s gonna happen with me. The guy I was with for two years I found out he had been having another girlfriend and I just wanna kill myself because he admitted it and we broke up but I could not take it, I was hurting a lot so I went back to him. And he says he loves me and all but I know he’s still with her and my heart just breaks. I can’t believe how men can do this to women.. didn’t they come from one? Don’t they have sisters and daughters? I really wish I did some wiccan thing to just get me to STOP liking him STOP loving him :(

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