Are One Night Stands Really Worth The Hassle?

Posted by Guest Blogger on May 18th, 2010

Not one of my girlfriends has ever had a one-night stand… How about my boyfriends? Ah, well that’s a different story altogether…

“Men’s biology equips them to be ready for sex most of the time” – Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Now I don’t have a Ph.D, but I know lots of guys that think it’s okay to have casual sex, and then claim it meant nothing and it was all for the thrill.

young couple in a bed

I decided to put myself in a guy’s position, after all “Anything boys can do girls can do better,” right? Let’s see if these one-night stands are all they’re hyped to be.

It is a Friday night.  A couple of friends and I go out for drinks at an unfamiliar place with people we don’t know. The music is loud, the lights are dim, and though we aren’t drinking that much, the flirting and the fun atmosphere seem to be getting to us.

Guys approach; and, for the ones we like, there is playful banter and flirty behaviour. It feels good to be pursued and thought of as sexy.
There is one particular guy I can’t get out of my head. He is taunting me with his non-committal but too all-too-frequent stares… catching my eye but removing his gaze as soon as I glance over. There is electricity between us and I don’t even know his name.

Eventually he comes over. I pretend not to notice him. My heart quickens and I know that my cheeks are flushed. He begins to speak to me in that teasing lilt I was expecting.  I am thrilled – I feel empowered.

We leave together. I am in control!

The thought of being in such a situation is… exhilarating! When he kisses me it is unlike anything I have ever felt. I pull away in sheer astonishment at the unmistakable chemistry intrinsic to forbidden fruit…

As soon as it’s over I begin to panic.

He didn’t use a condom! When I started to awkwardly mumble about protection he told me not to worry and that he didn’t have anything. In the heat of the moment I remember thinking, “why spoil the mood – It’s just this one time”.

But I start to think, I don’t even know this guy’s name, or have anyway of contacting him, (which I suppose was the whole point of the one night stand), but what if I have caught something, or what if I do get pregnant? My mind fills with things that could go wrong… How could I be so stupid?

Fast forward 3 months.

I’m glad to say I’m not pregnant, and after waiting 12 weeks, my window period, I have tested negative for HIV too. But despite this positive news I feel so stupid, I’ve had a lucky escape but it could have been so different. I put myself at risk and with someone I just met, and for what?

So after putting myself in a situation that people all around the world put themselves in week in, week out – I can honestly say the risk far outweighed the reward and I will not be doing it again.

But what about you? Do you think one night stands are worth the hassle? Does the thrill of the chase of the night match up to the risk that you have to face the morning after if you don’t use protection?

Are you cool with one night stands so long as they’re safe?

Drop us a comment below….

This post was by Guest Blogger Candy

Let us know what you think of this post and drop us a comment if you would like to see another article from Candy…

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Talk about it
13 Comments...
  1. F.D. Moore says:
    May 18, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    As long as you actually can(emotionally) handle non-committal sex and protect yourself, I don’t see the problem with one night stands. There’s different reasons people have them, other than for the thrill. Some people extremely focused on their careers or academics. It’s to the point, that they don’t want the pressure of trying to maintain a relationship at the same time. Don’t they still deserve an outlet for sexual fulfillment? Enter the one night stand. You can get the physical satisfaction you want, without having any responsibilities except using protection.

    Society would have us believe that all sex without attachment is bad. But honestly, what percentage of people who have had a one-night stand do it as a long-term, full-time lifestyle? And even if they did, is a life of fulfilling one-night stands any less healthy than the serial monogamist whose emotional attachments continually wither away?

  2. Banders says:
    May 18, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Personally I think they are much more hassle than they are worth, I mean is the sex even as good when you are not finely tuned with one another?

    In terms of HIV and other potential risks, I feel if a condom is used, fair play, but it is NOT a good idea to ditch the johnnies if you don’t know the persons history. But what does everyone else think?

  3. cole says:
    May 18, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    If you’re not using a condom during a one-night stand, you’re not emotionally prepared to have a one-night stand. Seriously.

  4. Kiera says:
    May 18, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    I’m completely cool with one night stands.

    About the not using protection thing though.. well if you’re not smart enough to insist on protection then don’t have sex. I don’t give to f***s if it’ll “spoil the mood” it’s irresponsible, stupid and can give you a waaaay bad reputation if you DID end up with an STI or pregnant.

    So just DON’T DO IT if you’re not going to be sensible.
    Plus it’s a learning experience for the guy. If he isn’t going to be respectful enough to wear a condom then he aint getting any.

  5. Shawn Decker says:
    May 18, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Nice post- it really gets into what is probably a common experience, which is the attempt to be sexually empowered by indulging in a one night stand only to lose control in the process by not using- or demanding- protection.

    Moore makes a good point about how people use sex or get sexual fulfillment based on personal needs as they relate to time, desire for a committed relationship, etc. Plenty of people do have regular “one night stands” and for them protection is just a natural part of having sex. I think a lot of folks could learn from that mentality, and apply the safeguard of condom usage to their own pursuits of true love, since many Sexually Transmitted Infections do not present symptoms.

    We have a long way to go, but open communication and sharing stories as Candy did can only help open up the discussion.

  6. Kicesie Drew says:
    May 18, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    Cole is right.

    And regarding the blog, I think the part about the forbidden fruit is what makes it so erotic, probably not so much the partners skill. It’s the unknown, and the unknown is full of wonder.
    That said, I think there are degrees of one night stands… a sexually and personally empowered person would be like, ‘Yep, I want to screw you tonight, but we have to use a condom (and hopefully the chick is also on a hormonal bc!).’ If a one night stand means never knowing their name or talking about the responsibilities of sex and making sure you’re on the same page, then no, not cool!
    If a one night stand means exploring a new domain and seeing if you like it while being fully aware in the moment (catching their name, having a talk on protection, etc), then I guess that’s cool.
    The question that comes up for me as a woman is, How in the WORLD do you know this person is safe and won’t assault you, murder you, whatever? Seems way too dangerous to have that one night stand with someone you know NOTHING about… But that’s the way MY mind thinks…

    And now I’m rambling. ;-)

    So yeah, at least be mature and conscious enough in the moment to be safe!

  7. Caitrin O says:
    May 19, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    when i was little, my mom never told me to wait for marriage to have sex. she said, “sex has a lot of consequences. you could get pregnant, you could get an STD. the guy could turn around the next day, never speak to you again and embarass you. so you dont need to wait for marriage, but you had better wait until you’re ready and mature enough to handle every one of these outcomes.”

    that’s been my guiding principle, and im not ready or willing to go through any of the above with a one night stand, condom or not.

    for me- not worth the hassle. but if it’s worth it for someone else, then go for it.

    (great post, candy!)

  8. Verse says:
    May 19, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    using a condom should be part of foreplay….. u just DONT FUCK WITHOUT RUBBER! cause after u cum.. dat second you’ll regret goin unsafe! if not regret the recklessness!

  9. Candace says:
    May 20, 2010 at 1:00 am

    What scares me about this is how easily it seemed to flow from a night out into…unprotected intercourse with a sexy stranger! Those three months must have been chaos! I understand wanting what you don’t usually have, but the reality that was shared really makes you think twice. We really need to redefine what we think of as ‘empowering’…great stuff, can’t wait to see more :)

  10. Hunni says:
    May 20, 2010 at 1:02 am

    Familiar situation…i am glad to know i am not alone in doing crazy/stupid things sometimes bt the important thing is to learn from the mistakes and share them sometimes so others can learn from them too. thanks Candy for sharing

  11. Anthony says:
    May 20, 2010 at 1:47 am

    First of alI, I like Candy’s romance novel style that she used to write this article, it made me appreciate it a whole lot more, keep up that good work.

    Now, sticking to the question “Are one night stands really worth the hassle”, I think one night stands are way more fun for guys than they are for the girls, simply because there’s usually less to worry about and it’s somewhat easier for guys to stay detached afterwards (just because of how differently guys’ and girls’ brains work).

    WIth that said, I don’t think it’s a very good move for girls to get trapped in the idea of taking up such habits, but fellows can generally take care of themselves so that’s more subjective.

  12. Lorraine Baillie Bowie says:
    May 22, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Great article. The story format really let’s the reader identify with the topic. I think many engage in unprotected stranger sex due to a chemistry match. Many times they refuse to see the person again out of embarrassment and the reality of the risk taken. With a little restraint and planning a chemistry match could turn into a great relationship.

  13. Phill says:
    June 2, 2010 at 7:18 am

    I know the dangers and risks of one-night stands, especially when drunk. I’ve repeatedly had a couple of one night stands without a condom. Am in despair and think I need help as I can’t seem to stop this, despite knowing it’s wrong.

    It’s as if at that exact moment, I lose all control of sense and mind. Is this what they call sexual addiction?

    I feel like am on an speeding out-of-control roller coaster who’s only outcome is death.

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