1. b says:

   March 11, 2010 at 1:50 pm

   definitely tell her BEFORE someone else does. if she forgives you it will make your relationship that much stronger. & remember YOU did it now take responsibility for your actions. you sound like a good guy who made a mistake. really stress to her that you feel it was a mistake. good luck!!
2. jizz says:

   March 11, 2010 at 6:53 pm

   Hey Kid, chin up! Confess to her what happened, but make sure she is relaxed when you’re telling her. Tell her everything and make sure you keep apologizing, if she loves you the same way you love her, she will try to forgive you, but it will happen ONLY over time. However, i must advise you to take the test, before you guys sleep together again. It is the only thing at this stage, and knowing is better…always. You seem genuine and sincere, make sure this NEVER happens again, and if you’re a believer…PRAY!
3. Cynthia says:

   March 12, 2010 at 3:55 am

   DEFINITELY be open and honest with her. She is the innocent one in this. Please get yourself tested before any sex with her. I was one of those “bad girls”, behaving the same way your bar chick did. I count my blessings that I did not give nor did I contract an incurable disease. STD’s including HIV do not discriminate. I’ve seen an extended family member die of AIDS. It is a slow painful death. If you cannot control yourself when consuming alcohol then by all means do what I did, stay out of the pubs unless you’re out with a family member who may wanna step out, or limit your booze intake to 2 max. But you MUST come clean with your girl. Of course she’ll be suspicious if you don’t tell her anything. She’ll also be very angry I’m sure, but imagine her anger if you were to pass an STD to her. Do the right thing.
4. Raycy says:

   March 12, 2010 at 10:12 am

   *smile* I appreciate your honesty and for the first time I understand how the cheat could of occured. That being said your actions are not excusable. You need to face the reality, the more you act ‘weird’ is the more pain you are going to put her through.

   Just tell her the truth with the same honesty as you wrote it, understand that she will not be able to come to terms with it and chances are she will push you away from her. You may have to give her some space for a while but still reminding her that you are sorry, u love her and still want to be with her.

   If she loves you and thinks it could work, she will take you back but do note, it will take her a while to get over and there would be a soar spot in your relationship. It will be hard for her to trust you in the future in similar situations.

   Most importantly you need to get tested and should continue refraining from sexual intercourse with your gf.
5. carol says:

   March 14, 2010 at 11:10 am

   You should 1st get tested, you need to know your status not just for your gal but 4 yoself 2 then tell her cz yo gal will finaly pick up on the guilt and its better when it is comin from you. finally cut down on the drinkin coz u made an irresponsible decision wen u were high..u cant let that happen ever again.
6. Candace says:

   March 17, 2010 at 2:15 am

   Well you seem pretty certain that the guilt will affect you and hence your relationship if you don’t let it out. Also you mention that your friends may even spill it, so it’s best you say it to her yourself. Convince her that you knew it was a stupid mistake, but u should also give her proactive promises that show you are serious about preventing this in the future, e.g. limiting your alcohol intake on a general basis, hanging with at least one responsible guy who’ll have your back, calling her before you go to bed just to check up and let her know you’re home safe (and alone)! Might take away some of your freedom but trust has gotta be rebuilt somehow, and it may b a long and painstaking process, but if she is the one u love, definitely worth it!

   As to the test, you know what to do…
7. Jizz says:

   March 17, 2010 at 3:48 pm

   What has happened since?
8. Gc says:

   March 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm

   itz messd up dat u dint use a rubber… ad hav said build a bridge n get ova it bt in yo situ, u cant hav xx wit yo gal bcoz u myt infect her wit sum… so man up n tel her o go 4 a check up..if u safe kip it 2yoslf n mak sure it dnt happen again! if u tel her, she gon leave u o do the same az u then 4giv u! u decide
9. Polly says:

   March 23, 2010 at 1:13 pm

   why do you want to tell your girlfriend? that’s your own guilt you want to appease. get tested first of all to make sure you haven’t given her anything but depending on when you did this, you might not even be able to detect if you do have anything.
   telling her will hurt her and potentially end your relationship – if you know it was a one time only thing then don’t tell her. but if you think your friends will tell her (which makes me wonder what type of friends you have) then you better tell her before she finds out from someone else. you’ll just have to spend the rest of your time with her making it up with her, without her knowing why…
10. alicia says:

    March 27, 2010 at 3:50 am

    from the girls point of view….

    it’s odd, my boyfriend, who is also 19, cheated on me last october with this girl he dated for a few weeks while we were on a break last year. TELL HER! he had maybe 4 beers tops that night, and wasnt even drunk. Said he used a condom but i dont believe him…. Honestly, you NEED to tell her. I was told over facebook by the girl he cheated on me with. And the only reason I am on here now is because whenever he is away on work, I look up ways to get over it.

    It broke my heart, we were just about to move in together, and now that we have I can keep better track of him…. but I hate that I feel the need to do so now. finding out by the girl, honestly still makes me cry. I have always been a very strong person, and this honestly hurts more than you know. I still dont know if he gave me anything, I suspect maybe, but even after all of his apologies, he still hasnt gotten tested.

    You’re girlfriend will most likely forgive you, but I have come very close to leaving tyler a few times since then. It took him getting on his knees before me in tears begging me to stay and describing our future together, to get me to stay. And i still wish he would say all of those things more often. Honestly if she forgives you, show her how much you love her every chance you get! It still breaks my heart that I have to threaten leaving him in order to get him to say those sweet things to me in desperation.

    I know that if he constantly tells me how sorry he is, randomly. and constantly describes what he wants our future to be like, and tells me how special I am and how much i mean to him, then that will be all it takes to keep me by his side for the rest of our lives.

    Because you may notice, she will begin to show you her love a lot more, because she feels as though it is her fault and that if she was better, you wouldnt have cheated. Thats how i feel sometimes. And at that point, i analyze everything he does, ass she will most likely do. so if you do one little thing wrong, she’s going to assume her insecurities about why you cheated are right. So CONSTANTLY remind her how much you love her, and do so by limiting the word “love”. use other words…. and i promise you, that although it will take months, even years, your relationship is work fighting for, literally and figuratively.

    good luck!
11. JC says:

    March 28, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    You know, alcohol is a drug, not only does it inhibit your judgement when driving a car, it also inhibits your judgement with people and situations. Things you would normally not do while sober you are more likely to do when drunk. This being said, what you did was wrong. You know it, that’s why you feel guilty. You betrayed someone you loved and gave into temptation. You need to get it straight with her, tell her the truth, and be prepared for the consequences. Even if she does break up with you, perhaps you will learn from this experience and be all the more wiser for it.
    Yes, you need to get tested, but that is just an after affect of your mistake. You chose to go along with the girl and give in to what she wanted.

    Regarding your friends, hey, they’re people too. They are not going to protect you, esp if they’re drunk as well. You are accountable for your own actions. You are an adult now, it’s time to own up to your own mistakes. Your friends may care about you, but at the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and deal with the consequences of your choices.

    I really hope things work out for you, and that you become a wiser person from this experience.
12. charley says:

    March 31, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Tell your girlfriend, but i would say get tested first. I feel sorry for her although she doesn’t know (i don’t think). Good luck
13. jessy jackson says:

    April 8, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    just tell your girlfriend the truth, it was your own fault for drinking to much in the first place and getting yourself in that position, if that girl was allover you you should of rejected her from the very beginning of the night and you wouldn’t of had this problem, get a grip and be honest and truthful like a proper boyfriend should be!!!
14. Tarzan says:

    April 13, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    I have just fucked up the same way you have man, I am telling my Girl friend today. I dont know how to say it to her but i know its not gonna end well. I wish u good luck bro.
15. aaron says:

    April 23, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Tell her dont let her “find out” i dudnt tell me and whew in the long run you may lose her but she does know your human and fuck up and will forgive you and respect you but not stay with you. But if you are ment to be it will work out just give her space and dont start thinking she will cheat cause you did she wont man. Makr sure you “check in” alot i know it may sound like no freedom but look at your dession with your freedom. And lots of love not just befging her not to go but random stuff like flowers for no reason etc BUT BEFORE ANYTHING CAN BE FIXED FORGIVE YOURSELF COMPLETELY
16. aaron says:

    April 23, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I know from expenince man i did everything the wrong way tried yo hide it etc ate me up i hated myself for so long and just last night ive finally been able to forgive myself and its empowering im on top of the world i got soo lucky she stayed and we are rebuilding and talking about marrige etc and i know my personal self that it cant and wont ever happrn agian shes the love of my life lol strry i got off track your supose yo be getting advice lol make it simple process 1 tell her 2 forgive yourself 3 dont. get jelous and over bearing she wont cheat but may leave u for this 4 rebuild the trust let her know where u are 24/7 2 reason it will let her know you are behaveing and also let her know u want her im every part of your life no secerts no this is my thing if you say play a sport involve her dont have friends she haaent meet either and if she disapproves listen cause in the end she will be ur life and family not ur “boys” think about the future.not. the haveing fun bs now if you wanna get drunk and “get some” do it with her lol if you talk to her. she will do guy fun stuff with you just be open and ask her u knoe from experince with all that good luck man. And uf you see this steph i love you!!!
17. aaron says:

    April 23, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Lol typos damm touch screen phones lol
18. Emma Shearer says:

    June 17, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    If you lose her and want to get her back after she leaves you then we can help you
19. NC says:

    September 27, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    DONT TELL HER! you sound like a genuine guy who made a common mistake most men do. LOOK, your not married yet, you have no children, and you messed up and made a bad decision. Your feeling the guilt right? You feel like a scumbag right? Thats enough to tell you that you learned a lesson and that you dont ever want to put yourself in that position again. Something women obviously dont understand, but you did your relationship a favor. Your gunna go home to her and love on her and show her your sorry in a different way. So go love that girl, just dont tell her what you did to make you realize it.
20. jack knoff says:

    October 4, 2010 at 2:35 am

    i wud keep my mouth shut i cheated on my gf and it was a mistake as long as u realize it was and not do it again u will b fine .. You think by letting her you will get some closure and get some peace of mind but in reality u might make things worse, ive known girls tht broke up months after a confession because they could not get over the fact. Your not married yet anyway cuz thts when it might actually count as cheating .. You will eventually get over it
21. faracha says:

    November 3, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Dear friend, plz tell me wt happened? dd u told her or not?wt abt the test plz e mail me?
22. chris says:

    November 9, 2010 at 12:35 am

    TRUST ME you have to tell her,speaking form experience here…you have to and yes she might live you,but you have to,coz if you really love her you will tell her just be honest about it
23. Sean says:

    November 21, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    I cheated on my girlfriend lastnight, nothing big, we just smooched, but there is a sence of guilt, I know it was wrong, but the girl literary asked for it, so I kissed her, I felt a sence of enjoyment yet a sence of guilt so idk
24. Adam says:

    December 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Hey man, I did the same thing as you.. (minus the sex part). First 2 weeks of college, had a girl over… well it didn’t end well. Me and my girlfriend were split up at the time, but still talking. I hid It from her for 3 months, I tried to just forget about it, but finally told her. We got back together a few days later, but we are def. In the rebuild phase of the relationship. She wonders why I didn’t tell her right away, and that hinders our relationship more than anything. Do yourself a favor and tell her!
25. IV says:

    December 12, 2010 at 10:10 am

    I did the exact same thing man ,I honestly think I might have a STD.she found out like two hours ago and is drunk and is threatening to cheat on me with some asshole I hate and I can’t do shit about ….should I have told her ?idk but my priest and sister both told me to keep it on the DL . Post what happen between you and your girl so I can have some kind of hope plz
26. BD says:

    December 22, 2010 at 1:12 am

    dude i did the same thing as well except we were on a break… and in the time of that i talked to 2 girls one being my ex and 3 sleeping with one she found out and cofronted me about one then we got back together found out i talked to my ex when we split then i just told her what really happened.. and i broke her heart.. last thing i ever wanted to do..
    i couldnt stand hiding things and here on out im going to be the man she wanted and make her fairry tale come true.. i know i messed up and i accept it
    but im fighiting for her back and hope i can get her trust just one more time
    and i would never let her down..
    jessie if you ever come across this i love you more than anything.

    good luck man you should tell her its the right thing to do.
27. Teedo says:

    January 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    I knw exactly hw u feel, 3weeks ago i also cheated on my bf & i feel lyj crab. i pray day & night i didnt get ny infection from him. We used protect & apparently it broke bt we didnt c only realised afer a day. he phoned me telling he thinks ds cd broke & i mst gt morning after pill & he told me he hd sum infection sti bt its nuthin to worry abt. i went to da doctor he did da preg test & sti & dey all came negative. I asked him abt his status & he said i musnt worry hez clean da only thing he ws worried abt ws da infection & pregnancy. im soo paranoid abt AIDS dnt knw if ishud trust him wen he says hez clean.The thing is iv sleept with my bf afta dt & im prayin dt i didnt gv him infection. im scared of goin for an hiv test sumtyms i fil lyk killin myself. Sumthin tells me i shud trust him wen he sys hez negative bt im jst paranoid. I Love my bf with al my heart & i regret wt i did. he wants to marry me &wil be paying lobola in february. Im NOT gona tel wt hapened cz hez gona leave me PERIOD. All im askin for is a 2nd chance from GOD. I vow not to make the same mistake again.
28. Charles says:

    February 4, 2011 at 9:57 am

    You want to tell your girlfriend that you cheated on her and you really love her?? Are you crazy???

    People can’t be sad about what they dont know. Dont break her illusion, dont shatter the image she has of you. DONT TELL HER.

    If you really love her, then concentrate on improving your relationshiop and never cheating on her again…

    As for your guilt.. we are all human beings that make mistakes and sometimes fall prey to our feelings. Im not saying its OK to cheat on her, im just saying that you have to begin by changing yourself inside. I also believe there are somethings you should keep to yourself man.

    Anyway, its your choice.. if you want to lose the woman you love because you cant stand the new “asshole” image you have of yourself, you are being selfish and perhaps not very bright….
29. HAHA says:

    March 3, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    GOOD ON YA SONNA
30. none says:

    March 9, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    DONT TELL HER. thing is bro, your young. your gunna make mistakes. things happen …..just blocked it out. . . . . just dont do it again. If u tell her dude ur going to hate the situation even MORE. i kno from experiance. Dont let your friends influence you. im your age and ive messessed up SO MANY TIMES. LIVE LIFE LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND. I MEAN EVERYONEMESSES UP ur only human.
31. dimoo says:

    March 15, 2011 at 10:48 am

    you did a very bad thing mate… but with that said… you are 19!! you should be screwing half the world by now fella! why dont u call up this girl and have a repeat sesh? or you could even ask ur gf if she wants to join in on some sort of randy 3som orgy one night. involve her in a good way. u might even get off on ur gf getting with the girl u cheated on her with ha!
32. Common Sense says:

    March 26, 2011 at 12:46 am

    Listen my friend. Life is a series of events. Your young, as am I. If you love her, dont tell her. Unless of course theres even the slightest possibility of her finding out. In which case, act like your becoming clinicly depressed and dont leave the house. That way, when rumor spreads to your partner, she’ll just think they’re lying due to the lack of sex in your relationship, nevermind with others.
33. spkk says:

    April 28, 2011 at 12:06 am

    1. Get tested ASAP. What are you doing right now ? You shouldn’t be in front of your computer, you should be running around trying to get a test ASAP. Get an appointment right away !

    2. About telling your girlfriend: Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. This is because you know it best; it all depends on your girlfriend, how mature she is, how she takes these kinds of things, how open-minded she is, how well she knows and accepts guys in general, etc. You know her best, and you are the most fit position to anticipate her reaction. Just letting you know, girls are jealous ! and sometimes their pride doesn’t allow them to be completely honest all the time. I’ve never cheated on my gf personally, but we talked about this, and she says she would let me go at most once because she knows how (irresponsible) guys are sometimes, and I think it’s real mature of her to come out this way. Still, I wouldn’t dare cheat on her no matter what, cuz I love her so much, and cuz I know how jealous she can get. If I were in your shoes with my gf, I would get tested, and not tell her. Even if she knows, she’ll understand how sorry I am for her. I’ll be the nicest bf to her after that and make sure this kinda thing never happens again. Hope I helped !
34. Johnston says:

    May 27, 2011 at 7:54 am

    get tested and it’s your decision but I would tell her, because I can’t allow her to live with a perception of me that isn’t real, call it selfish if you will, but your shorting her if you hide it, and being nice and making up doesn’t excuse an act of infidelity, being drunk hampers your judgement but still you did it, be a man and own up, she’ll appraciate your honesty though it will hurt her and she has every right to feel that way, you love her then own up and fight for her, hiding it weather you be man or woman is disrespectful and cowardly.
35. drlove says:

    June 19, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Dont tell her, what she doesnt know wont harm her. You cant be always thinking about yourself….. you only want to tell her, for YOU to feel better. NOT for her to FEEL better….how the fuck would that make her FEEL good? think. That would make her FEEL(the keyword here is feel) horrible. you feel guilty because she loves you so much. We need the feeling of guilt sometimes in our life. It will make you love her to death. you will fight your guilt by loving her more than anything and make her FEEl amazing. Thats what life is about…FEElING good. we are human. we fuck up. no one is perfect. and hiding it is not cowardly….. to johnston-I bet your fucking hiding secrets right now from your parents or friends. or maybe your the perfect man. when your mom says dont do drugs, what the fuck do you do??? DRUGS! are you gonna tell her?? FUCK NO! it will make her cry… and she will see you as a druggie. But if you keep your image cool, and look good. you will be seen as the person you act. your word is what makes YOU. The only way people see inside you is by hearing you speak your mind. Dont speak about all the trash you fucking have inside you. Speak about the good things you do. Speaking the bad things about yourself only adds bad image… what the fuck is the problem?? Its simple… You are what you speak
36. Phil says:

    June 19, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    I cheated on my girlfriend last week and told her everything. I tried to lie at first but felt like a total coward so came clean. She broke up with me and she’s been falling apart. She says she’ll get over us in time (I love the lass to pieces and this cut me right up). Yet she loves me so there’s still hope. So I’ll keep fighting. Just letting you know what you could be in for. If it’s meant to be it will be. That’s what I keep telling myself anyways. Good luck whatever you do
37. Oyelade Y?inka says:

    June 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    hey you have made a biggest mistake but i will advice you to let her know, or go with are to any heart to heart center so that the expert there will advice both of you on how both of you we leave and she will not be affected despart the fact that both of you we be meeting each other as boy and girlfriend
38. harry says:

    June 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    I did the exact same thing, bad friends and taxi ride included. Still considering what to do!? Let me know what you decide. The thing that bothers me is the 12 month window period for HIV before it shows up on a test. I know she’s going to leave me for this and I want to marry this girl.
39. harry says:

    June 28, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    Sorry, that is the 12 week window period of HIV.
40. Jake says:

    July 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Some things are better left unsaid. Go get tested. You’ve went through enough guilt as punishment. Learn from your mistake and dont do it again.
41. Lee says:

    July 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Man I have made a horrible mistake myself. I was out of state and training for my new job i was gone for a month and a half. During this time for some reason I made the worst mistake ever. I had a realtionship with another woman and I hung out with her and sent her text and had sex with her. I cheated on my girlfriend of 4 years and its aweful. I got back home and didn’t tell her because i was so scared of what would happen. I leave for my job around the world and the my girlfriend gets an email from this girl explaining everything. I feel aweful she has cut me off and told me not to contact her. I am on the other side of the planet and I feel lost with out her.
    I have never done anything like this before, now yes we have had our fitghts and are small break ups but we have always worked out. I want nothing more than to be with this woman. I will do what ever it takes PLEASE HELP.
42. My Ex says:

    August 8, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    I want 2 get my ex boyfriend back but hes dating me so called bestfriend what should i do?
43. Anthony says:

    August 11, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Hi there mate i need to what happened how it went im in the same position some of her friends know and keep telling me to tell her i keep thinking about how she will feel doing that to her i couldnt handle seeing her like that after loving her so much it was a while back and wasnt sex her friends new about it and now are bringing it up again after like 8 months after i thought it was over and it putting me under so much pressure cant enjoy my summer by keep thinking about it again
44. Danny says:

    August 21, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    well i cheated on my gf 2 and i feel like there is a black hole in my heart,i want 2 tell my gf but idk how and i dnt wnt 2 lose her at all im jst gonna tell her and u should 2 good luck bro
45. Heart says:

    August 21, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    ok listen tell her bcuz honesty is the most important part of a relationship !
46. Anthony says:

    August 24, 2011 at 5:55 am

    Well I did what the majoriy of you said my life is worse she says she still love me but can’t stay with me all of you who say that telling your gf its for the best I don’t see any benifit
47. Anthony says:

    August 24, 2011 at 5:58 am

    Oh and danny tell me how it went thanks bro
48. r2hill says:

    September 13, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Tell her you are breaking up with her because of what happened. She will never forgive you for as long as you live. It will always come up and make your life hard. Just move on and learn from this experience.
49. soul says:

    October 7, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I just thought i would chime in and say this coming from a broken man who did the same. I cheated on the love of my life, biggest mistake i ever did however i choose to tell her the next day….in the past we grew apart and split, i slept with a girl and regreted it, eventually even tho we were not together i told her still as we were close and i wanted her back, after alot of talking we did sort it, trust slowly grew back, but anyway i ended up going to the other girls house months down the line to tell her to f off, but stupidly fell into a tramp lol, she was there in skimpy underwear waiting….not great when you have been drinkin! either way i did attempt to leave a number of times but in the end gave in however it didnt last 30 seconds before i relized what i was doing was not what i wanted, i stopped went home and slept on it, in the morning i told my girlfriend….she left me but i knew she deserved better. it took months of begging to the point where she slept with someone else….that killed me but when you love someone truly you will try work through anything. i still hate myself for what i did and still hate her for sleeping with someone else, i came to topping myself at one point but eventually saw it as not worth it, but anyhow we eventually after 6 months started to get on better, both started to forgive each other and now we are stronger than ever as a “almost” couple, yes i still get down by it as i was only me she had orginally slept with and she told me the gory details….plus the fact she had only known the guy a short time made it worse….but again she had been drinking…still no excuse but this stuff happens. Anyway i get upset about it and sometimes wonder why we are together, but only the future will know!

    So my advice is if you really love her, tell her she deserves to know and only a decent man will man up to his mistakes, cheating isnt wrong, its pretty normal in the animal kingdom but when it comes to humans and feelings, it becomes wrong, in this case WRONG so man up chap and tell that girl, she deserves better and you need to soul search and sort yaself out, you want to be happy right? then forgive and forget and allow her the time to forgive and forget, if you truly love her then do it, otherwise suck it up and try move on.
50. Henry Ewing says:

    October 13, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Well this is old but a good topic anyway. First, it’s refreshing to see somene with a conscience. How else does someone learn from their mistakes? So, good – maybe you won’t take her for granted anymore.

    Theres’s no single answer for you, IMHO. You know yourself and you know her – but it’s going to be your decision to tell her or not. But, before you risk ker health GET TESTED.

    If it were me, I think I’d tell her. If you two have a future, think of how many years you would keep that secret. And it is a secret because it happened within the timeline of your relationship. So, think about it and make your decision.

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