Archive for March, 2010

My Boyfriend Cheated on Me

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 30th, 2010

This is a blog post in response to I cheated on my girlfriend – help!

Anonymous, your story struck a chord for me, it reminded me of the familiar position I had to endure due to my ex boyfriend. See he cheated on me and it really did have a toll on me. Everything was well, we had issues, as does every relationship, but I never doubted the fact that he loved me and he would put me first. But things started to go downhill after he went to this party with his friends. A friend of mine called and said she saw him dancing seductively with this girl and heavily flirting with her, I brushed it off, I knew that was his personality and I didn’t think I had anything to worry about.

cheating

Then he started to act weird, he wouldn’t lie to me directly but he omitted information and he wasn’t affectionate to me anymore. I thought something was wrong with me so I tried to speak to him to find out what it was but he always said nothing and the more I asked, the more defensive, aggravated and upset he got.

So I decided to figure out the solution on my own. I tried being nicer to him, avoiding arguments, cooking whatever he wanted, spending more time with him – but the more I tried, the more he pushed me away. I assumed he had fallen out of love with me. I knew I was losing the man I love and there was nothing I could do. It was tearing me apart. Slowly I just decided to begin to emotionally detach myself away from the relationship.

One day, when I was contemplating leaving him, the phone rang and he rushed to answer, I picked up the receiver quietly in another room. He was arguing with a woman and he told her that his life was going fine until he slept with her. I can’t explain what I did next; all I remember is standing before him with tears streaming down my face. He looked shocked and immediately tried to hug me.

After hanging up the phone, he proceeded to tell me that he met this girl in a party and she gave him her number, he wasn’t sure why he called her but he did and she proceeded to state that she wanted to be with him. One day he gave in to her intentions. Sadly, he got an STI due to her… thankfully, it wasn’t HIV.

I know what its like to be hurt due to silence and that one unguarded moment. Don’t make that moment be the ruin of your life. I hope that you tell her the truth, sooner rather than later and hopefully you have learnt from your irresponsible actions.

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Artist Turned Advocate

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 29th, 2010

For 23-year old Pelé Maree, aka Rap’s Revolutionary, HIV/AIDS prevention and awareness is not a novel idea or a political conviction. It’s a mission. Using his passion for writing and creativity, Pelé believes his music provides an outlet for young people to talk about stigmatized issues, like HIV/AIDS. A message he considers urgent for young people all over the world, but for young African men especially, evident on the track “Tomorrow”.

pele

As an international citizen, growing up both in Philadelphia, PA and traveling to South Africa, eventually even moving there, Pelé was confronted firsthand by the reality of watching those you love die from HIV/AIDS untreated. Caught between the developed and developing worlds Pelé realized early on the difference awareness, testing and access to healthcare make. In townships and shantytowns in his native South Africa Pelé recalls people getting sick and dying without anyone ever openly saying it was because of HIV/AIDS.

HIV/AIDS not only affects those infected as individuals, but also family members. “Everyone with family in South Africa has had their lives touched by HIV/AIDS,” Pelé remarked, “it is killing so many of us, and yet it’s still not discussed”. The taboo associated with HIV/AIDS limits prevention, awareness and also drives Pelé to use music to open the eyes of his listeners. As a revolutionary Pelé views himself as someone willing to change the status quo in order to bring an urgent message of change to young people in a creative medium they’d be more open to listen to, understand and willing to discuss.

Pelé prides himself of on keeping his music “easy on the ears” while still conscious and educational. “African issues, African history might not seem like hip hop topics, but I take it there,” says the young artist. Judge for yourself on politically-themed tracks like “Darfur”, “African Warrior”, and “Sierra Leone”, a heartfelt discussion of the civil war in the 1990s, blood diamonds and child warriors, now available on iTunes.

As an artist, an advocate, and leader Pelé is doing great work by reminding us of the fact that “No one person can save the world. If you start somewhere and you are passionate about what you’re doing, you’ll make a difference.”

Join Pelé and MTV Staying Alive in the fight against HIV/AIDS by listening below:

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Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

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Leave a comment and let us know what you think of the track – and share your views on whether you think more artists should take a socially conscious stance.

Interview conducted by Tasha Shangvi, Staying Alive’s Spanish Editor

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Taking Responsibility

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 16th, 2010

Last week was an exciting week for most young people in Zambia, first with International Women’s Day on the 8th of March and Youth Day on the 12th of March, most young people were out celebrating being young and for some of us, being women.

The general routine on this public holidays is that people get up late, go to their work or school functions to celebrate the day and then off to the clubs and after parties. At the parties they get plastered, maybe pick up a girl or guy, or just go home alone, then wake up late the next day to reminisce about yesterday and last night over a salty meal or more booze in an attempt to kill the hangover.

youth drinking

*photo posed by models*

Right now HIV/AIDS is one of the main causes of death on the planet and the people who are affected most are the women and the youth, so the question is what are we doing about it?? With behavior like this, we are actually perpetuating the very same issues that we are fighting to get rid of.

Most young people are very passive about what is going on around them. One guy told me when I mentioned protecting yourself with condoms that, “God will choose whether I get it or not, and if it’s meant to happen, it will happen even if I use condoms.”

It seems that for a lot of young people so long as they are healthy they don’t feel it’s their duty to do anything.

Another common sentiment is the “I am just one person, what difference can I make anyway?” My opinion is that you don’t have to drain an ocean or find the cure for HIV to save the world. I am young and energetic and obviously there is only so much I can do. But still every little bit of effort counts. For me there is simply no excuse to not doing anything. By talking to my 13-year-old cousins and their little army of friends about HIV and how they can stay safe and treat others who have it, by answering their questions on sexuality that their parents refuse to answer, by blogging about my experiences and discussing with my friends about the issues that are affecting us. That is my small contribution to the cause.

So my question to all the young people out there is what are you doing in your social circles and neighborhoods to compliments the efforts of others? Let me know by leaving a comment below…

This is a guest blog post by Jayne Mazimba, a member of the Ignite Zambia street team.

Boredom and complacency are Jayne’s biggest enemies, so she tries like crazy to make everything she does enjoyable in one way or another. Jayne loves to look good, loves to have fun and loves to be the centre of attention. And her motto is “What’s the point of doing anything if you can’t enjoy and have fun with it?”.

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I cheated on my girlfriend – help!

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 11th, 2010

The below is a guest blog post from one of our readers. Please share your advice with him by leaving a comment below.

I am writing this blog anonymously, as I really don’t know how to get out of this hole I have dug myself into.

I am a fairly regular reader of this site, I have read articles on the importance of condom use in the fight against HIV, and never really thought it applied to me because for the last year and a half I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend.

man worried

**photo posed by a model**

I’m 19 years old and don’t usually consider myself reckless, however about a week ago I had a one night stand with a random girl after meeting her out on a night with my boys. I’ve never cheated before – never even considered it, but this girl put it on a plate for me… ok not literally on a plate, but I didn’t have to work for it at all — and towards the end of the night she was all over me. My mates didn’t try and stop me, even though they know how much I love my girlfriend – which I’m not very pleased about.

It was pretty clear what was going to happen when the lights came on in the club and we shared a taxi back to hers. I don’t know why there was no resistance on my part, but there wasn’t, and as soon as we got back to her place, we were going at it. It didn’t take long before we got down to business, she asked if I had any condoms but I don’t even use condoms on my girlfriend so I never have a use for them – I would have felt a bit stupid stopping there, and to be honest after eight beers I was in no position to act responsibly anyway.

The gutting thing is I don’t even remember much after that, I don’t even think I even finished, and the next thing I remember is waking up to this stranger who I assumed was my girlfriend! That is when it hit me the hardest – along with the hangover I felt a mad sensation of guilt come across me. The girl was pretty casual about it all in the morning and before I could even make my excuses she was hinting at me to leave, which left me wondering if this was normal for her and added to my paranoia and guilt over the past week.

The guys I was out with all think it’s really funny, and have given me the nickname,  “The dark horse” and I can’t really blame them because I would probably be doing the same thing if it was one of them, but I’m having difficulty laughing this off.

I have been avoiding sleeping with my girlfriend since and I know if I don’t soon she will start suspecting something is wrong but I haven’t been tested yet and I would never forgive myself if I gave her something. I don’t know whether to tell her about it straight up and basically kiss the relationship goodbye or to keep it to myself. I don’t know whether I could deal with the guilt in keeping it from her and to be honest I don’t trust my mates to keep it quiet either.

What should I do? I don’t want to lose my girlfriend over this, yet if I don’t tell her I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

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Go Gaga for AIDS Awareness

Posted by Carina Kolodny on March 10th, 2010

There are a lot of adjectives you can use to describe Lady Gaga. But I bet if you were to make a list of them that “activist” wouldn’t be on it; but that is, perhaps, one of the best ways to describe her. Having actively proven herself as an advocate for LGBT (aka Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) rights, she is adding HIV education to her extensive charity repertoire. However HIV education is quite a broad and extensive cause so Gaga has zoned in on what’s dear to her heart: educating women and encouraging frequent HIV testing. She has teamed up with M.A.C cosmetics to raise much needed funds. What are they selling? Why lipstick of course!

lady gaga and cyndi lauper

Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga / photo c/o MAC AIDS Fund

What does Gaga want women to know about HIV? “This is not a gay disease, this is a disease plaguing women. And I just want to clarify that. Because I think that’s the very sort of pre-assumption, that women aren’t getting tested and allowing negotiations to go on in the bedroom and are not putting their foot down.”

As an avid fan of popping pink lips, I plan to buy a lipstick (or five.) Put it on before a date or a night on the town, should you end up in somebody’s bed, it won’t be hard to protect yourself. The reminder will be on your luscious lips!

Check it out here!

This post is by our resident blogger Carina Kolodny

Carina Kolodny is a writer and expert coffee shop loiterer based out of NYC. When not writing (or loitering) she can usually be found traveling the world or jumping out of airplanes. She became interested in HIV education while working with the Red Cross in Fiji. This was an enriching though terrifying experience as she hates snakes almost as much as she hates grammar. She counts Fiji, Cuba and Tanzania as second homes and strongly believes in the power of self love and red lipstick.

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Women PSAs

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on March 8th, 2010

To celebrate International Women’s Day, we decided to look back through the Staying Alive archives and pull out a few of our favourite women-focused PSAs.  Please take a look and let us know what you think. We’ll be adding more throughout the day, so be sure to keep an eye out.

Can We Replace Women?

http://www.vimeo.com/10002320

Hands

http://www.vimeo.com/10002276
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International Women’s Day

Posted by Staying Alive Editor on March 8th, 2010

Today, March 8th, marks International Women’s Day, a day that has been celebrated since the early 1900s.

The day’s aim is to raise awareness of women’s vital role in society as well as applaud every woman’s achievement, however big or small.

women large

In recent years we’ve seen major steps taken towards achieving an equal society. Women everywhere are stepping up – just look around you – we have female politicians, doctors and even astronauts. However, unfortunately, there is still a big gap between men and women, with countless examples of inequality visible in everyday life. Healthcare and education are two major issues, as is violence – with women far more likely to experience abuse than men.

Here at Staying Alive we’re focused on promoting women’s rights in the fight against HIV. We want every woman to feel empowered. Physically and socially women are more vulnerable to HIV, it’s why we want each and every woman to be able to make her own choices when it comes to her sex life. Every woman should feel at ease saying no to sex – or asking a man to use a condom. Yes, it’s true we’ve come a long way – but there’s a lot more work to do. We all have a part to play.

To celebrate International Women’s Day, we’re asking you to send us a couple of sentences on the women you find inspiring in your life – it could be anyone, from your mother to your best friend, to a notable personality in the media.

Let us know about the special women in your life by leaving a comment below.

Happy International Women’s Day – let’s keep up the good fight.

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Busting Condom Myths

Posted by Guest Blogger on March 4th, 2010

February was National Condom Month, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t emphasize the importance of condoms all day, everyday. In honor of the month gone by I figured I would put together a list of condom myths to bust.

1. It doesn’t fit: He could either claim the condom’s to big :( , or its too small.  For the former there are specially sized condoms so they don’t slip off. For the one’s that say it won’t fit, you can demonstrate to them by getting a large size condom, and making him stick his fist in it…myth dispelled.

2. It doesn’t feel as good: A. Get some ribbed ones for the girls. B. Guys, condoms now come with ultra-thin latex for a reason…get some!

condom

3. I’ll pull out: Ok, if anyone ever suggests this option…they’re too dumb to sleep with…no seriously. Fluids escape during sex, even pre-ejaculation. You must be trying to get pregnant, or STDs with this method.

4. Double-bagging (wearing two condoms): This will only increase friction, and cause the condom to break. One is enough as long as you put it on properly.

5. Religion stops me from using a condom: Your religion is probably also against hurting others by spreading disease. Your religion
should also probably stop you from having pre-marital sex… heard of abstinence? I’m just saying.

6. Condoms are expensive: I can name a few more things that are more expensive, like child support, doctor’s visits, and AIDS/STD meds. Smarten up!

7. It’s a mood killer: My mom always said practice makes perfect. Practice enough, and you can get condom application down to 15
seconds. If the mood is gone after that period of time, it’s the universe’s way of telling you: it wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.

8. Guys are responsible for bringing the condoms: Ladies, ladies, please, what year are we living in? Not only should you come with
protection, but be prepared to put it on as well. Don’t put your life in the hands of someone else.

9. Suggesting condoms is offensive: Not as offensive as giving someone an STI.

10. Latex allergies: Now this is very possible, but thankfully condom manufacturers are mindful of this. Select a brand made from
polyurethane, and stop trying to find ways around using proper protection.

Let’s make every month National Condom Month, by wrapping it up everytime, unless you’re trying to go half on a baby, or share in your
partner’s possible STIs.

This is a guest post by Nosarieme Garrick

A product of around the globe, but loudly repping Nigeria, Nosarieme Garrick is a writer, and entrepreneur seeking to do her part in bringing some peace to this crazy world.

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