Multiple concurrent partnerships (MCPs), excuse me, sleeping with more than one person at the same time (player!), is acknowledged to be one of the leading causes of HIV infections. Why, pray tell, can’t we just be happy to have one partner only?! But wait a minute, you could actually only have one partner and still be involved in MCPs, so long as your partner has other partners, and they might have other partners…it’s a web that gets very confusing!

I’ve never had more than one partner at the same time, but I have gotten caught up in the MCP web. I remember once dating this guy; we’ll call him H, who just happened to have another girlfriend at the same time. I never expected to fall for H, he was not my type at all, except that he really made me laugh and that mattered a whole lot to me!

We started off as good friends, even though I knew that he was attracted to me, I was aware of his girlfriend and I knew him to be a stand-up kind of guy who would never cheat. Or so I thought. We slipped into an “affair” without hardly realising it, and soon I was spending more time with him than “her”, I was the one everyone recognised as “The girlfriend”- even his friends and family were nice to me, that gave me a false sense of legitimacy.

Like all crazy webs, I got entangled in the worst way- after a few great months, H started acting shifty; not giving me much attention, ignoring my calls; it was so humiliating. I finally found the strength to break it off, but as life often does to you, she found out about me anyway. It all got very messy and there was a dramatic showdown…very embarrassing! But the near beat down (I barely escaped it!) is not the moral of my story. My bigger deal is why would you ever accept to not be the only one?

I had to seriously question myself, I was a smart, beautiful woman, but I couldn’t see that. I, like most people, had faced a life with not always getting who I wanted, feeling rejected, and generally not feeling good enough. I took anyone who would want me and in the process exposed myself to any number of harms. It wasn’t only sexually transmitted infections, including HIV that I risked, but a lifetime of shame, guilt and regret. In other words, nothing could ever be worse than compromising and being second best.

I learnt the lesson hard, but at least I learnt it. It took a lot to accept that it was never okay to try and take someone else’s guy (or girl) – even if it was real and it was love for you. Let them break up first if they will and then see if its real for both of you, but chances are if s/he is still hanging on to their main squeeze, you will never be the only one for them. And you deserve so much better!

You may have to wait, it may be hard, you may feel discouraged, but there is never a good reason to be that “other” person. You’ll hate yourself for it and you might miss out on the One who wants you to be the Only One.

This is a guest blog post by an anonymous contributor.